By all means, marry. If you get a good spouse, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. ~ Socrates ‘improvised’
This morning my daughter woke up, came downstairs and made breakfast. I watched her fry the pancake, spread the Nutella and topped it with a piece of strawberry fruit cut in half. I only asked her to punch it up with peanuts for extra calories to avoid collapsing in the gym!
All done effortlessly with a headphone clasped over the ears as she hummed along to her playlist. My last daughter o, just to let you know. The joy of watching her while knowing that she may or may not be aware of the impact of her simple act was another delight on its own. For me, this is one of the numerous benefits of having a family. She is a fruit of my marriage and the bliss of such little blessings is better experienced than explained. So you can pardon my indignation when I hear that marriage is overhyped.
In any case, it may be so for those who are not getting the satisfaction that should come from a marriage. I don’t have a perfect marriage, nobody has and I have seen people who wished they remained single. A wish which will always be alien to me because frankly if I come back a million times I will marry as many times. I even wish I married earlier because I would have now retired to spend more time on passion projects.
The thing is that many commentators often generalise and put out an opinion informed by one or few experiences. That is why we have many fluky relationship counsellors obfuscating on social media platforms. Of course, it is better single than miserably accompanied but two good heads are better than one. Likewise, it is equally helpful to identify your shared interests before that walk down the aisle. In my case, a common love for tourism was identified early on and it has proven to be bonding and therapeutic.
You see, besides companionship and procreation, there are countless benefits of marriage if you truly love and respect each other. And we must not take love lightly here. It comes with commitment, giving, taking and understanding. But yours truly will only tell you about one benefit from my little experience. The one that matters most even if it is ironically selfish. After all, aren’t humans selfish?
There is a “feel-good feeling” that comes with marriage. It is psychological. It comes with that phrase “till death do us part”. I mean that feeling of “they ‘ll love to hear this” or “honey I’m home” after a good business trip. Or the belief that “they ‘ve got my back” that makes you long for home after a terrible day at work. It is just that simple but it is indeed an enormous feeling. So great that sometimes you unconsciously find yourself alone, thinking and giving thanks for having the best life ever.
A friend had once asked me why I left all my businesses in Nigeria for “the abroad” and I replied “because I need ataraxis”
Confused he said, “Cmoni you ‘ve come with all these your yeye vocab, which one is ataraxis again?”
I beckoned for him to come closer. He did and I whispered “peace of mind!”
I dated for many years and I ‘ve been married for 16 years now so I can tell you from my experience that the union can never be overhyped. The reverse is the case because I can’t seem to find enough words to qualify this beatitude. So go on, get married and enjoy the great benefits of the first institution created by God!
But remember the caveat..if you truly love and respect each other.