Home Essays The Bad Waiter by Emmanuel Enaku.

The Bad Waiter by Emmanuel Enaku.


Valentine’s Day meant nothing to me. True, it was seen as a day of love but as far as I was concerned, love did not exist. After a series of heartbreaks by those pretty offspring of Eve, or should I rather say, Delilah, I had made up my mind to play the field without any emotional attachment and no remorse, of course. I had become very proficient in the game of playboys and I had coined a name for myself which I made use of during action –Messidinho. That name, gotten from two of my highly viewed football players, Lionel Messi and Ronaldinho, speaks about my personality and how good I am in the field of players.

I had been invited by Remi, one of my niggas, to fill up a vacancy in his boss’ hotel, a remarkably expensive five-star hotel that stood in the centre of the city like a treasure Island and only attracted the big boys of the town who had money to burn. Being a waiter was not much of an exciting accomplishment but I knew my lines well and was determined to make the most of my position, one which offered a good deal of exposure, ‘’new fish’’ and connections on Valentine’s night.

I was already dressed and primed up at 6:00PM, in a resplendent black suit,  black trousers and black shoes to match. My white shirt seemed to work with the white fluorescent bulb that hung below my ceiling to illuminate the rather dim room I occupied.

staring into the mirror,  I adjusted my red bow tie and waistband and gave a charming smile. Both had some diamond-like scintillating stuffs bonded all over them and with the fluorescent in the room, they sparkled excellently.

I had a sinister smile playing on my face, revealing my deep dimples and the creases at the sides of my eyes, as I thought about what I was actually up to that night.

Yes,  I was handsome, with the face of a demigod and a well-built body structure,  made even more alluring by my constant workouts and quite religious visits to the gym. I had a smile that could set a lady’s heart pounding and I took great advantage of this. Yet again,  I was smart,  highly intelligent and practical, the perfect man every woman wanted and,  sure,  they fell easily into my net.

I adjusted my dark shades again and chuckled as the mirror reflected my action.  My phone buzzed then and I smiled as I identified the caller.  It was Remi.

“Hey, Rasta!” I said as I picked the call.  I could hear the music blaring through the home theaters in the background  as Remi laughed.

“My night!” Remi said,  I could tell at once that he was at the venue and enjoying himself.

“Where are you at,  man?” Remi asked. “Hope you are prepared. I’m having so much fun already.  Just hooked up with a fresh chick here,  uhm… Veronica,  yea, she calls herself that. Man, she’s hot!”

I chuckled as Remi blabbed out, not once stopping for a breath.

“Get yourself over here quickly!” He said finally and cut the call.

“Lousy son-of-a-bitch”, I said smiling as I put the gold-plated Samsung, the latest model in vogue, into my pocket and reached for my body spray on the cupboard.

Smelling nice I went out through the door and locked it.

“Bad boy”. I said as I spun the key holder with my index finger a few times before putting it in my pocket.

The Valentine’s party was going smoothly and although the boss tried to keep us on our toes,  there were still opportunities to catch fun. I had arrived an hour earlier and had very little time to chat with Remi because he kept appearing and disappearing. My duty was to serve drinks round and I had done a great job. I also managed to draw attention to myself and did a little flirting here and there.

Oh yeah!

I watched as the bar boy poured the drinks into six elegant-looking glasses on a thin gold-plated tray I had dropped on the counter and smiled at him.  A hard-working lad he seemed,  staying behind the counter pouring drinks,  unable to go out and mingle like the rest of us.

Just then,  Remi appeared with a contented smile playing on his face.

“My paddy eh!” He said looking me over. “Why you just dey stand there dey look?  The river is already full for fishing.  Six already in my net!” Remi said drunkenly.

I watched him laugh feeling very happy with himself.

“How many you got?” He asked after a fit of laughter.

“I don’t fish Sadines, man. I’m waiting for the sharks”, I said and gave a mischievous smile which Remi understood.

“Ahh! Messidinho!” Remi hailed.

He was just about to say something else when the door to the party hall opened and a silhouetted figure stepped in.

Remi had his mouth agape and I watched, captivated as the figure moved gracefully into the gathering. The noisy hall had suddenly become quiet and lifeless as all activities ceased and everyone stared. It was just as if the graceful intruder had cast a potent spell on every individual in the hall. Step by step that heavenly being came in,  dragging all stares in the room.

“Ahh, mogbe!” Remi exclaimed in his usual Yoruba fashion as the figure materialized out of the dark section of the hall into the brightly lit part where we stood. He had his hands on his head the way people do when in shock and in the silence of the hall,  I could clearly hear Remi’s heart pumping adrenaline-diluted blood through his veins.

That creation of heaven marched towards me in a flamboyant manner.  The most beautiful entity I had ever seen.  My eyes caught the set of diamond earrings and pearl necklace that adorned its structure. A total figure 8.

She was a captivating dark lady with bright magical eyes.  On her chest was a bulge that drew stares but what really got to me was the “booty”.

That booty could make a man slap his father unknowingly and disown his mother. It was something that could take the place of a doctor’s prescription.

That booty contained vitamins,  amino-acids and fatty substances.  Hit that booty as often as three times a week for the duration of six months and I swear, you wouldn’t get ill the whole year.

As I continued my mental assessment of the damsel, she passed me giving me a wink and then,  reached for one of the six filled glasses of wine and drank carefully. Dropping the glass with the rest of the content on the counter,  she walked away,  swinging her waist this way and that way as though they operated with ball bearings.

I could spot the car key with the Ferrari sign which she held in her hand and I knew she was the one for me.

“My shark is here, Remi”, I said to my night as I turned and went after the fleeing beauty.

“My name is Messidinho and it’s time to play”, I thought as I went through the curtains that led to the VIP section of the hotel.

Emmanuel is a student of civil engineering at CRUTECH,  Calabar,  Cross River State. He loves writing fiction and currently has some books he’s working on and wishes to publish this year. He’s hearing impaired but jovial. He wrote in via enakuemmanuel@gmail.com

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