My life has been lead by him. With his thick, threatening voice he controlled me. I loved it that way. At least, I never complained about it; or maybe I couldn’t do anything then.
My love was not static. On many occasions, I embark on the journey of leaving, him but I couldn’t last without him. I always ended up running back to him. Whenever I remember how he did save me from shame, my heart becomes a candle wax that thaws in the presence of heat; I will fall deeper like a stone into an ocean, which will trigger me into gravitating back into his ever welcoming arms.
He utilizes a particular event to draw me back to him.
I was nominated to represent my school in a public speaking/fashion contest. He wouldn’t let me go. I had to tell my principal that I can’t make it. I thought it was resolved only to be welcomed by the angry faces of my parents.
I couldn’t tell them my reason for turning down the offer. I was mandated to represent my school. We went to this competition. I took him alongside with me without the knowledge of my parents or principal.
Soon, we were called on stage as the event kicked off. I remembered what he told me. He knew so well that I always listen to his voice. He asked me not to mess my self up in the stage. Instead, I should do the needful when there is still time. His words echoed in my ear that my whole body was shaken. I felt goose pimples on my skin. My hands began to tremble. I knew that his words were about to come true.
To save myself just like he said, I ran through the stairs out of the podium, into the dressing room. My principal and teacher came after me. After a few minutes of trying to get me back on stage which I made impossible, Nmadi, another student who rehearsed with me as my opponent was quickly dressed, up to take my place.
You may not understand why I said he saved me from shame. This is the reason. We prepared for a fashion/public speaking contest, but the tables were turned. It was a fashion/quiz competition. Those girls were disgraced in the name of questions. It was all over the news. Everyone was talking about it.
I was always grateful that I listened to him whenever I recall the event. Most of my classmates hailed me; they said I foresaw what will happen and took precaution.
Ever since then, his warning sends cold shivering on me. I couldn’t go against him in anything. His has been making decisions in my life until I met my current muse. He showed me the way out on that faithful day that I wasn’t allowed to listen to my ex. My school teacher introduced me to my new, prevailing muse. With the help of my muse, I conquered my ex.
During our graduation, She insisted that I would read the welcome address. Of course, she was aware of what happened the last time; how I ran out from the stage.
She called me after we met with the principal and told me that I would be reading the welcome address.
“Madam Simi”, I don… Hold it there right there”, she interrupted me. “You will read it and that is final. Meet me before you leave the school premises today for further discussion”, she said walking away, as her high heeled shoes formulated beats with the ground, which her skirt swayed to its rhythm.
“Another wahala“, I muttered under my breath.
I found myself in her office after two hours. I must confess that Madam simi is an observant teacher. She discovered my ex. I couldn’t help but travelled into the world of admiration when she was explaining everything to me.
She taught me some powerful words. Words that when I said them, my ex ran away, and has never come back.
She taught me that I can do anything I want.
If I could dream it, I can equally be it.
She told me that I only have to decide.
Just like Jesus in the Bible, she presented my conflict and my solution before me to chose.
She advised me to chose a solution.
I would forever be grateful to Madam Simi, she led me to my selfless friend.
Meet my friend who helped me to overcome my conflict ‘Fear’.
His name is Courage.
Onyeukwu Favour wrote in via mmesomachigodstar@gmail.com
