I took off my dark shades glasses
Which covered my eyes
Against the harmful ultraviolet rays
Emitted by the hot harmattan sun
That fateful February evening
As you approached me.
“Gosh!!”
I screamed mentally
As my mesmerised eyes
Roved over your ethereal figure.
You were an effusion of beauty,
A rare diadem, an exotic specie
Which could never be believed
To be an offspring of man.
No!
You were a surreal entity,
A living progression
Of a master artistic imagination
And, you were one
Who affected me
In no small way — all on the positive
Or so I thought.
The smile broke on your aquiline face,
Then, transforming
The already remarkable beauty
Into an image
That left me breathless.
“Oh, Allah!” So beautiful!
My words came out involuntarily,
My heart, beating, with adoration.
“You look like you have seen a ghost.”
You had said teasingly,
Your voice, a smooth, tasty solfa
And a smile that exposed
Your excellent set
Of dentition to my full glare.
Your dimples an attraction on their own
And even now, I lack the words
To describe the allure
They added to your face.
You were my best friend.
But more, you were the one
My heart beat for.
It was your sweetness
I lived for, daily,
In secret, I craved your presence.
And then, because I could hold it no more,
I had spilled the words that had multiplied
So much in my heart
And made me feel like I would explode
In a shower of painful secret passions
Were I to keep them concealed still.
It was the only way out for me.
I had not many other options
Or not any other options.
This was it for me.
“I love you!”
I blurted out
In a suppressed voice
That betrayed my fear
And my shy timidity.
Yes, it was a weak voice.
A voice that spoke volumes.
It was a voice that said I didn’t know
What I’d do without
A favourable response.
“I love you!”
I meant it.
From my heart,
With a passion as strong as the sun.
But I wish I waited.
My mistake was my hurry,
My impatience to show you
My faith in our fate.
Because, your smile
Was a potent force,
A reassuring fixture,
From which I drew hope,
That made me feel invulnerable;
What made me feel invincible.
We were perfect
Yet, not as perfect
As we thought.
Time, they say, is good
at revealing the truth.
It eventually revealed
Our short-comings.
The tiny imperfections
That over time became the catalyst
For the broken painful pieces
We now are.
My heart bled.
Oh! It so bled from the day
I found out that we could not be
As sturdy as we wished we could.
Though, I saw quite clearly
The dent on the foundation,
I only watched helplessly as
Our dream collapsed,
Being ripped in half like a
Graphical representation
Of a section.
I had hope.
My reason to not give up.
Reason I kept trying to fix
A damaged and dividing structure.
There was a chance.
I should have been given a chance.
Hope could only go as far
As patience could carry.
Your impatience left me
Discouraged, yet, I tried — battling
Ferociously with all I had,
With nothing to buttress my efforts.
I battled with hope
As my only succour.
Hope, which over time
Became worn and torn that
It could not survive the sly,
Thoughtless and painful
Affirmations you uttered.
Your words were
A sledge hammer and
In one swift movement,
One quick sentence,
It broke all I had which was nothing
But a plastered, bleeding and
Weak bulk of hope.
Hope is dead.
I had only managed
To hold unto dear life.
Soul is weak, mind is foggy
And heart is drained.
The anguish at
The thought of what once was
Surpasses description,
It surpasses definition.
The pain!!
Is not something a living soul
Should go through.
Yet, it’s a cross I am forced to carry.
I look forward to a fresh start.
Without the pain and hurt and shame.
A fresh start with vigour
And strength.
A start nil of the memories of my pain
Or my efforts to keep our love aflame
And not including the fact
That the offence
Which began my journey
To Golgotha
Is that I gave you my all.
My all.
You. It was all you!!
May God forgive you.
