The best inheritance a parent can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day. ~ Orlando Aloysius Battista
I haven’t written in a while, and frankly, I didn’t plan to do so until late November, when I would be done with CELTA. But then I had to visit Naples with wifey to shop and chillax after a hectic academic training.
Well, here we are for my first story since August, perhaps. And this draft commenced long ago, so don’t think I wrote this story in a few days.
It is joyous to be a parent, but it’s also not easy.
The struggles are real, but the rewards are enormous.
Father’s Day 2025 coincided with the week my twins completed their secondary-level education. The feeling was like the final brushstroke on a masterpiece, painting an eternal portrait of pride in my heart.
Yet, that milestone came wrapped in a bittersweet package.
Yep. Time’s relentless march forward meant I was growing older and would have less time with my kids, as I’ve clearly seen in the last 3 months.
Peculiarly, it is this latter part that worries me.
Peculiar in the sense that those who know me understand my position on over-parenting, particularly with Nigerian parents, which I wrote about here. However, school run, which has been the northern star in my daily routine, has softened my feelings.
Taking my kids to school was a duty that evoked feelings of nostalgia, demonstrated my brain’s neuroplasticity and pulled me through the stormy waters of midlife crisis.
I can’t imagine running out of experiences to share, so as I said, get ready for a potentially long read. But I promise you the best brevity I can manage.
Nothing prepares you for the crucial chore of school run.
Depending on the day, what should be the most idyllic routine task could turn into one that shreds the sanity of the most pragmatic parent.
And this is because it is the genesis of everything—educational foundation, bonding, discipline, punctuality, and so forth.
I drop my kids off at school at 7:45 am and pick them up at 3:30 pm.
My uncle, who lived in the US, often wondered why I did this.
“Can’t they take the bus?” he queried.
“Of course they can, but it’s a bit complicated, so I take them”, I replied.
Besides factors like the Irish weather and the somewhat mutable bus service in Cork, it’s a personal commitment I made before relocating, having missed much of their preschool years.
The 30–40 minute ride became so much a part of me that I feel unwell if I miss it for too long. On Wednesdays, when they finish early, I have sometimes driven to their school only to realise they had taken the bus home.
Work-life balance is a hollow shell without quality time.
For me, the daily school run provided some of that time.
But creating a suitable routine wasn’t easy, as I had to adapt to the ‘mechanical life’ abroad in my 40s.
I developed mine around gym time during the holiday season and the commute during the school season.
I often rise at 5 am to get a few hours head start before the proletariat.
So it beats me how these kids, even in their teens, still need a reminder.
The morning symphony is usually tense.
Like a conductor trying to gather his orchestra, I start with the callouts when it’s time to leave.
“Guys.. it’s half 7. I don’t want to wait for anyone!”
In the car, I switch to grooming with lines like “rub Vaseline on your face, lips…comb that hair that looks like dada”
Playing the radio along keeps us informed and entertained.
Halfway through the trip, we would switch to ODB for our morning devotion, after which we would take turns to pray.
And then I drop them off, my daughters first, and then 5 minutes away, my son.
Let me tell you, my dear friends, the joy of watching your kids join their mates as they stride to the school gates is one of the greatest feelings ever.
It’s a sight that warms the soul like the morning sun.
Leaving, you are glad they are in the trusting care of teachers for those few hours.
Indeed, that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
As an Igbo man, I typically spend more time advising my only son.
So now and then, after dropping the girls, I use the extra 5 minutes to drop some wisdom nuggets.
Sometimes with harsh words in a fiery tone, and at other times with kind words in a mellow voice.
On a memorable day, after scolding him, I ended with a line that surprised me.
It was a question that bounced out of the blues, but once I asked it, I knew it was from the bottom of my heart.
“Mel, I hope you know that my angry words do not diminish my love for you?”
To which he smiled and replied, “I know”.
I looked at him for an endless few seconds and then gave him the best hug ever.
“I know”. I felt those words. Deeply.
They also came from the depths of his heart.
That moment remains evergreen in my memory.
Whatever you do to correct them, always reassure your kids that it’s all for their good and doesn’t in any way shrink your love for them.
I learnt this from my dad. Yeah, let me briefly take you down memory lane.
Like most teenagers, my dad and I had our fair share of disagreements.
I would usually go back to school, determined not to visit home for a long time to prove I’m independent.
The following week, he’ll send our driver to Uniport with goodies and cash, asking me to come home.
When we got arrested, he refused to visit me at the DSS dungeon until my mum finally persuaded him.
On his first visit, he took me aside and said, “Son, there are 3 people you should never lie to: your doctor, your lawyer and your accountant. Consider me your lawyer now and tell me the truth”.
Minutes later, he walked out on me, but guess what?
The same man hired 2 senior advocates to defend me in court.
He was more practical; his correctional approach was the carrot and stick.
He instantly smacks the living daylights out of you for misconduct, but his silhouetted frame waking me at 5 am the next morning to drop gentle words of wisdom remains vivid to date.
Those words are now golden as I’ve grown to realise.
Now, back to my story.
Not all morning trips to school are cranky.
Sometimes we have a good chat. At other times, we elevate the ritual of listening to RedFM Cork to singing along together.
I get updated with current songs and artistes.
My daughters know all the trending songs..as in ALL!
I now listen to songs by Taylor Swift (not a fan though), Dua Lipa, Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande, Clean Bandit, Sabrina Carpenter, Chappell Roan, Charli XCX, and of course, Éire’s own Cian Ducrot, to name just a few.
But the one I love most is Sia. Songs like Cheap Thrills, Unstoppable, and The Greatest are forever etched in my heart.
The return journey is often calmer, except on the days we have to buy recommended books.
Converting euro payments to naira pushes me close to convulsing..Arrrgh!!
It took me a while to devise a wise strategy for those bookshop visits.
Remain in the car and never check the receipts!
Barring that, it was generally more fun picking them up.
Particularly when they eagerly share the day’s experience with dad.
I listen, commend, and advise accordingly
And when we pop into Lidl for some groceries, the sweet smell of chocolate cookies in the car decompresses my brain.
At other times, they are too tired and can’t wait to get home.
Those are the days you get the dirty dishes in the sink and may trip over their school bags in the hallway if you don’t take care.
It is always past 4 pm when we reach home. And by the time I finish my meal, followed by a quick nap, it’ll be 5:30 pm.
Time for WhatsApp marketing!
It’s like clockwork, and I’m eternally grateful for every moment.
Soon, my kids’ll start living on their own — I hope, partly independent as undergraduates or even graduates. I intend to watch them closely but unobtrusively. Because it is at this stage that we lose them. They are still impressionable, and new acquaintances can easily influence their perception.
Considering the reality of time constraints, I must strive to communicate more via chats, voicenotes and emails. They need to learn more about relationships and the world outside of the school environment.
Life can be harsh or nice, but what we make of it is entirely within our control.
I’ve always impressed on my kids that the difference between you and your dreams is the choices you make.
On friendship, I told them that friends make the world go round!
And that collaboration and networking are today’s agency.
To this end, I exhorted them to socialise, meet new people, choose responsible friends and join groups that broaden their worldview for a more balanced opinion on contemporary issues.
It’s good to live life to the fullest because we only get one shot.
I have told them that the system trains you to be an employee, not an employer.
Of course, it’s good to have a well-paying job, but you are still replaceable. You can lose that job in a flash and start queuing for welfare stipends while your employer moves on.
I keep telling them that entrepreneurship is the way to build something unique that you are passionate about, with the skills you possess.
Something that you can leave behind as a legacy to the world.
On religion, I did my best to raise them in a Christian way, particularly making ODB a way of life.
As with most teenagers, they stopped going to church regularly.
It’s their choice, and I won’t fuss over it.
However, I never stop reminding them to be prayerful, rational and compassionate.
Often using my improvised version of Hospitaler’s quote below:
Holiness is in the RIGHT action and courage on behalf of those who are less privileged.
What God desires is in your head and your heart.
Your head, to be rational, and your heart, to be compassionate.
I admonished them to practice SELF-LOVE and eschew SELFISHNESS.
At the same time, they should NEVER try loving another to be loved because, as a person, your happiness isn’t dependent on anyone else.
Humans are solely responsible for their happiness.
And most importantly, I made it clear that family is more than a support or fallback option. I taught them that family is everything!
Now, as a realist, I fully accept that my kids may never live in Nigeria.
I have asked young Nigerians to relocate if they wish to, because I’m firmly convinced that Nigeria will not make progress as it is currently structured.
I left Nigeria, and now consider myself a global citizen since I can reside anywhere I choose. So, it would be unrealistic and hypocritical to think that my children will return to live in a place I left.
I plan to facilitate networking with relatives, particularly those in Nigeria.
So that they can contribute to the development of our motherland, just like I’m doing from afar.
But if they find any reason to live in Nigeria, they will definitely have my full support. Knowing that my kids will grow into responsible citizens who contribute positively to their immediate community gladdens my heart.
We owe humanity a duty to leave it better than we met it.
Incidentally, I’m also returning to the classroom as I continue reinventing myself in preparation for retirement.
And guess what?
I feel so lucky stepping into this chapter of my life, where I’ll teach, learn, travel, reconnect and write during the most wonderful time of the year.
That’s why I’m starting by giving back. Support our writing community as we compete for 1 million in this Yuletide Writing Competition
If you enjoyed this, please share it and hit the follow button to join our community of digital creatives at cmonionline.com.
If you wish to emigrate or collaborate, send an email to me let’s work together.
