It wasn’t Mrs. Christabel’s fault that whenever she walked pass his office her backside usually rang a bell. This has been the morning coffee for Mr. Paul, a colleague, and a strong reason for his sudden improvement in punctuality. But it wasn’t just Mrs. Christabel who stole his thoughts, many other women did – yet he was tagged by the ring on his fingers as married.   Mama Angela, a sales person of the Lick-yah-Fingers Restaurant understands the woman’s guide to catching her fish. Doctor Raymond, Bro Samson, and Mr. Tee. have all tasted her husband’s most precious property, not because they craved for it, but because she presented herself as a free gift to them. She has secretly been “test running” men who could deliver stronger sexual satiety that her husband wasn’t capable of doing.   Before you crucify Mama Angela and Mr. Paul for their trespasses, let us dive into the behind the scenes of this disturbing issue. What would make women like mama Angela and men like  Mr. Paul do what they do?   Some Reasons for These Acts of Infidelity 1.) Living apart for a long period One of the purposes of marriage is for one to be there for their spouse and satisfy each other sexually. Living apart for a long time probably due to work-business related travels could lead to sexual starvation [1]. This is especially dangerous if one or both of the couples have a weak self control when it comes to sex. This is a temptatious time for the sexually-addicted partner. This leaves them vulnerable to the slightest opportunity to satisfy such delayed hunger.   2.) Pornography the master; the cheat the slave. Although some claim that porn videos are meant for adults who want to learn new ways to express their sexuality to their partner, it has its downsides. A viewer of porn, upon seeing various moves, may conclude that their partner is inexperienced and ungratifying. This may be a command signal for the “porn addicts” to practice what they’ve “learned” with someone else who is more receptive to such moves [2]. According to verywellmind.com, pornography has a detrimental effect on relationships. Here’s how: porn, like movies, are actually scripted sexual acts. They set high sex expectations which seems impossible for real-life sexually intimacy. In order words, it is like watching a movie where Superman jumps from a building and starts flying like a weightless bird – unrealistic! But many fail to understand this and wrongly start making sexual demands their partner might not be able to fulfill. This makes them practice such experiment with someone else [3].   3.) A pseudo-solution to burying their problems “Understanding” and “communication” are major ingredients that when missing in the soup of a relationship could lead to a downfall of such relationship [4]. When a partner cannot express their thoughts to a spouse, they might be forced to do so to outsiders. Sometimes, they have the feeling that a person, most likely of the opposite sex, understands them more than their spouse at home. This has its effect. Such external confidant(e) could be be erroneously seen as the perfect leaning shoulder for the spouse and you know what happens from there…   4.) Together but having less in common. Most people jump into marriage at a single signal of intimacy. The spouse and their partner could have little or absolutely nothing unifying their diverse interests. This could be disastrous as such relationship is easily soaked in the sea of rapid dilapidation. Couples are meant to quarrel; it is perfectly fine for them to do so since every human differs from the other. But the downside in not having much in common is that they may seek another person who has a reasonable fraction of their ideology, beliefs and goals – and that is an action leading to relationship fraction.   5.) Knock, Knock. I seek Appreciation. Many sexual partnerships have been broken by spouses who constantly make demands and sparingly appreciates their partners efforts [5]. This not only infuriates the partner but also make them less happy around their spouse [5]. Do you know what this implies? If there is any one outside who shows them this appreciation which they seek, they share their love with such person. This may make the outsider feel “loved” in turn and make more effort to express it most often than not, romantically or, on a higher scale, sexually. This is also true for respect.       The Aftermaths of Infidelity According to an article written on familylife.com by Dave Boehi in the year 2010, the pseudo ecstasy of extramarital affairs could never surpass the ways such affairs or infidelity could destroy the life or the marriage of the adulterer. In other words, such momentary pleasure is nothing compared to the reality that the consequences could be long-lived or worse – perpetual. I would divide the consequences of infidelity into sections: 1.) Effect on Partner 2.) Effect on the adulterer 3.) Effect on the relationship 4.) Effect on the kids 5.) Effect on their relationship with God. 6.) Effect on their relationship with others.   1.) Effect on partner: The subtle act of cheating cause the partner to worry: to worry that they are inefficient, not capable or generally do not fulfill their spouses need. This leaves them hanging with guilt, anxiety and shame upon themselves.   2.) Effect on the adulterer The adulterer could stand a chance to win some sexually transmitted Infections (STIs) from their foreign sexual partner. And unknowingly spread freely, the diseases to their spouse.   3.) Effect on the relationship Infidelity leads to trust being bruised or worse – murdered. Trust is like a cup of paint. The more you use it, the less it becomes. And trust me, infidelity could spill that whole cup. A relationship devoid of trust is like a time bomb set up for a sudden explosion at any time. This lack of trust most often

Broken Trust. I’m screaming at  the  top  of  my  lungs.  The tears won’t stop coming and It makes my sight  blurred to see him. All the sacrifice, attention, love, from the past 7 years flashed before my eyes so did her picture. He shouts back. It infuriates me the more, impulsively I run into the kitchen and grab the first harmful thing I see… a knife. Knowing the kind of person I was he runs out the door for his dear life. I stay there for the next 10 minutes ranting and crying before I slump onto the nearest chair . I cry to my heart content and sleep off . When am awake I sit motionless like a rag doll. By now my tear glands has refused to secrete more tears, but the pain right under the left side of my breast won’t go away . My bruises are skin deep and they hurt more worse than hell. In that moment I  remembered some of his words “ you did not love me enough!” , then it made me go on a crying spree again, so for 7 years I never loved Joseph enough? I asked myself … Nothing makes a relationship go sour like infidelity. One minute you think you might have found that someone who makes you so happy then the next minute he/she becomes the sole reason you lose your appetite for food. This topic which has plagued millions of relationships leaves strong hurtful sentiments behind to the people who find themselves in this scenario. Infidelity which is simply the act of having an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else other than your partner without their knowledge. Statistically speaking 70% of unmarried couples may have to deal with infidelity in the course of their relationship. And as we may  have it infidelity is more common in men compared to women .The national Health and social life survey found that 37% of dating men and 17% of dating women engaged in sexual infidelity. Studies have shown that both and women are not monogamous in nature, though women tend to be more forgiving after they are cheated on than men. As we vary in personalities so does our definition of infidelity do. Where we have some people who view pornography as infidelity  while some  don’t. Also to know infidelity goes beyond the sexual. There are different types of infidelity that can occur in a relationship. Firstly is the Object Affair. This is where a person  is obsessed in chasing a goal or a career thereby  neglecting the needs of  his/her relationship. Secondly Is the Cyber affair. This type of affair is predominant in this era, the tech era.  This is where Sex chat and pornography comes to play. Thirdly  is the most common of all, sexual affair. This is involves sexual intercourse without the said spouses. Fourthly is the emotional affair. This is where one gets attached emotionally to someone other than their partner. This to me is the most dangerous of all infidelities. It tends to have a lot of negative impact in a relationship. A lot are stake when emotions are involved. Causes of Infidelity. There are many reasons that could lead to cheating. The most popular one is the sexual dissatisfaction. Men normally fall prey to this. For the men who have high libido that their partner cannot equate, they see cheating as the alternative. Women who are emotional distant from their partners see that as a reason to cheat. Another reason people cheat is because if self exploration. For women who are virgins, the mere curiosity to know more fuels their intentions to explore. Yet another reason  people cheat is because they have been single for way too long that they forget they are in a relationship. In the actual sense you can tell if  a person would be faithful if they do not go about having one night stand. Effects of Infidelity. Just like a well, the scars infidelity leaves on individuals runs deep. Lack of trust is the foremost of all.  Trust which is difficult to  build but easy to be lost   has the one who has been cheated on insecure. He/She finds it hard trusting the said partner if they are going to remain in the relationship. For those who break up, it leaves then insecure in their subsequent relationships. Another effect of Infidelity is depression. Romantic relationships which is the greatest emotional investment of all leaves people depressed when it goes South. The loss of esteem and self worth is a phase most people go through after they find out they have been cheated on.         Reference:  www.Wikipedia.com www. Insider.com www. Psychological today.com www.goodtherapy.org   Arueze Chisom Precious, a passionate writer can be reached through sommytilly1402@gmail.com