silent

Essays, Writers

As Silent As An Explosion

  One thing I perceived about my aunty, Emily Okonkwo, was that she hated me so dearly. And I hated her as much. Some years younger than this year, she was our caretaker when my mum journeyed to the east— Imo state to be precisely— for the whole August. When mum was still around, I cuddled freedom like a child would do so to a white fluffy lavender-scented teddy bear. I recognized a few actions of mine which my mother had labeled as wrong: not finishing my food, not laying my bed and not doing my homework. These were the rules back then. And just like my siblings, I was happy circling around the core of my comfort zone until the “good-minded devil” came. It just happened suddenly. Aunty Emily was in all splendor and grace. Her hair as long as the distance between the human wrist and elbow; it shone like dark grease under the moon light. Her skin colour glittered a pale yellow. Her cherry colored lips were as thick as my mum’s. “Aunty Emily will stay with you while I travel,” My mum said, her travelling box growling as the plastic tires circled over the cold tiles. “Please treat her nicely.” Her face suddenly steered away from the front door towards me again, “…and don’t be naughty.” “Okay mum,” I could hear my voice force its way out from my popcorn choked mouth. I wasn’t uninterested that my mum was travelling. I just had, at the moment, a higher priority – I must win this car racing finale I was playing on my phone. I had spent a lot of coins on purchasing Nitro boosters and could not afford to lose both the game and the money. The door slammed behind my mum. “Take care…” her voice trailed. There was an uncomfortable silence in the sitting room – the kind of silence that pinches the skin. “Ebube, how are you?” My Aunty interrupted the quiet. “Fine.” I answered sharply. I tilted my phone to prevent my car from bumping into an obstacle during the race. There was further periods of silence save for the clanking noise by the gatekeeper while he closed the gate behind the taxi in which my mum, a driver and her luggage were buried in. “Could you at least show me where I would stay?” I sensed the rise in her voice. And I could sense that she tried so hard to conceal it. I didn’t mean to vex her; I was only being focused on what was important to me at the moment. Finally, I had won the race, but I had lost my aunt’s regard for me. My first impression was a lousy impression. “The room adjacent the kitchen.” I pointed to show direction. It was 1:17pm. Onyinye and Chinyere, my sisters, were back from summer school. The day went. Another was born. * “What? It is just 6:30pm!” I mumbled. “Back at home, by 6:00pm, we were already on our way to the market.” I eared in her lecture on time management and all, but my heart didn’t process it. I have never been woken up by this time during the long holiday before. And I disliked it.   With Aunty Emily in the building, I was forced to quit using the washing machine and make my hands the boyfriends of clothes and soapy water. I had less to discuss with my friends because the amount of time I used in watching my favorite series – vampire’s diary – was only a little bit longer than the time it takes a man to urinate. My fun time was converted to work time. I did the dirty jobs which my mom or my former nanny frequently do. I lingered for hours scrubbing the toilet; plates and mobbing the floor – things I never knew I would do in this life. And this went on for days. Two stressful weeks later, on the 22nd August 2016, Onyinye, who was only two years younger than I am, was to celebrate her 10th birthday. And as approved by mum over the phone, Aunty Emily happily organized an in-house party. Being an events planner, it wasn’t so difficult for her to do so. The cake she baked was much bigger than mine during my own decade celebration. The party much more elegant than any I had ever seen. And for the first time, there was a real MC, a real train ride installed at our backyard and real food! I wondered how my aunty and my sisters were so in tune. For it was nothing but true love that made my Aunty reject mum’s money for the event only to use hers.   I don’t know what entered me – or should I say, what was released from me – when I suddenly shouted, “I hate you Emily and I will not eat anything you ever make with your evil hands.” I stood confident among my friends who came and swore that I would rather eat cow dung than her food. No one paid me any mind. They couldn’t let anyone spoil the jolly air. But I was determined. Unknowingly, I was slowly burning my remaining energy with hatred and that only increased my hunger urge. I locked myself inside my room to resist the temptation caused by the hot aroma of the rich delicacies. The only part of me that really didn’t want to eat was my stubbornness. And sadly, that too wasn’t part of my body. The DJ blasted dance-inducing Nigerian songs. Yeah, those ones with heavy beats. But I tried to lock myself up in my room – in vain. Out of self-induced boredom, I slept off. By 8:39pm my body engine kick-started but it was desperately in need of fuel. To fulfill this urge, I inspected the parlour and rooms to see that all other eyelids in the house were shut for the night – and of course, they were.

Essays, Writers

Silent Wails by Roselyn Sho-Olajide.

  A wave of paralysing pain shot through my body when I tried to move my body as I struggled to open my eyes, which felt heavy. I mustered the little energy in me and opened my eyes to realise that I was in a place that looked like a hospital. The bed, the drip stand which stood menacingly at my bedside,  the food and water flasks, and the beverages on the iron nightstand close to the six-spring bed I was lying on made me knew that I was certainly in a hospital. One look at my mum whose head shot up the moment I moved my hand that was lying close to where she had rested her head on the bed, told me that I had not been there for a few hours or just one day, but for several days. Her bloodshot eye-evidence that she had wept for many days-and the bags that had developed under her eyes from lack of sleep confirmed by suspicion. She stood quickly, “Let me go and call the doctor. Thank God you are alive,” She said as she rushed out of the room. Not too long after she left, she returned with a doctor in tow, who I could see was surprised that I had woken up at all. With a smile plastered on his young and handsome face, “Aha! It’s good to have you back, madam,” he said as he tried to check my vitals. I let him do his work while I tried to recollect what had happened and how I ended up in a hospital bed with a battered body that everyone thought I wasn’t going to survive. As if on cue, the painful memory came flooding through my mind like a tsunami. The first time I set my eyes on Tony, I felt my heart flipped several times with joy. He had all the physical qualities I desired in a man. Over 6-foot tall, chocolate in complexion, broad-chested, and with a voice that could resurrect the dead. I was more than thrilled when he finally asked me out on a date.  I discovered on the second date that Tony had the physical looks, but was not somebody I should think of spending the rest of my life with. He was self-centered, a sadist, and a misogynist all in one. He believed that the man was always right and women shouldn’t talk when the man was talking, should not dare look at a man in the eyes and should docilely do whatever a man asks of them. A gentle voice told me to run away from him and never look back, but another voice told me that I could change Tony. I decided to go with the second voice, believing that I could transform him into the man I had wanted him to be.  Plus I was already 31 years old and was getting tired of hearing, “When are we going to eat your rice?”  From people at work, church, and weddings, and even from family and friends.  My mum, too, wasn’t helping matters as she was always asking when a man was coming to “knock on the door” and ask for my hand in marriage. In less than a year after meeting Tony, we tied the nuptial knot. I knew the moment the marriage started that I had made a  disastrous mistake as Tony didn’t change like I thought he would, but became abusive both emotionally and physically. I complained to my friend, Joy about it and she said I was an ingrate for daring to complain when I should be grateful to Tony for upgrading my status from Miss to Mrs. “Look Lara, you don’t even know that no matter what a woman achieve in this life, as long as she is not married, nobody will ever respect her, she said in a voice laden with anger. “You don’t know what a lot of women would give just to be in your shoes. You think it’s easy to be a Mrs., right? She continued, “A woman is nothing without a man, Lara. Please, just watch the movie War Room, then upgrade your wardrobe, be very submissive and do whatever your husband wants. He will change. Believe me.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as all I could do was gape at Joy as my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth in shock and I couldn’t utter a word. I called my mother after one of the beating episodes and explained to her that I felt that my life was endangered for as long as I was married to Tony and I wanted to file for a divorce. “You want people to laugh at me, abi? Who do you think will keep a divorcee in the house?” She said. “We have given you out and will never accept you back again. You better submit to your husband and make your marriage work. My marriage to your father has not been perfect, but I have been very submissive to him and that is why we have been married for so long,” she said dismissively. I was gradually losing my mind when I decided to pay a visit to our pastor to beg him to put a sense into Tony. The pastor said that Tony was my cross and that I had to carry and had no right to put it down for as long as Tony was alive. He reminded me of how much God hates divorce and that it was my duty as a woman to submit to my husband and make the marriage work come what may. Even if it meant putting my life on the line since I had sworn an oath to stay with my husband for better, for worse. Tony staggered home, drunk one night, and beat me up for daring to go to bed when he was not yet home. He threw me out on the street in

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