Stigma

Creative Essays, Essays

Sweet Stigma by Ebube Ezeadum

  It wasn’t that the 300-level student, Bowale Israel, wasn’t handsomely carved. Neither was he as deadly as a shark cultist. It was the little exhibition of mad: the sudden explosion, the unconscious pacing up and down the hallway, the loud dialogue-like monologue. It was these things that made even the thought of having a romantic lady in his life seem like fiction. Deborah Ebong was the transfer student in his class. Somehow she had miraculously worked her transfer to the University even at 300 level. She was as slender as a one-year-old pawpaw tree. Her long hair, rather than her breasts or a womanly shape, was the singular characteristic speaker that announced that she was a female human. She just wasn’t the girl Bowale Israel was looking for. She didn’t pass up to half of his features-I-seek-in-a-woman checklist. No large backside; no curvy waist; beauty, Nil; intelligence, not impressive; ability to cook well, he heard that she hardly ever boils water sef! So she was a failed candidate to him. Yet he recognized but didn’t know why she always flanked around him like a remora fish on a shark’s side. *** It was going to be the routine Valentine’s day. No lover. No call, well except his younger sister asking him if he had taken his “anti-schizophrenic drugs”. He kept pacing the room, scared that he may have another episode of explosive outburst. He was talking with an increased volume to himself. Why was I even born? That’s true. I never gave it a thought; it was probably a mistake. Hmmm… I feel like I’m just wasting resources here. Why is life so unfair? I can’t even have a love partner. And I am in the 300 level! Maybe I should just become a priest if I survive graduation two years from now. Or… wait. Not a priest. A monk. I can’t afford to travel to China. What do I do now? Bowale pacing came to a stop as he spotted the coconut at a distance from his bright window. Something struck his mind. Easy! I’d travel to the village. I can be a village monk. But what about jobs? It doesn’t matter, man, the villagers farm their food and that’s all that matters, right? But my friends… Be a real man, you’ve got no friends! Bowale scratched his head; he didn’t want to believe the voice in his head. But it seemed so real and right. His pacing resumed. Faster than before. His heart raced. His feet and wrist pumped with blood and energy. No, not now. The psychiatrist had told him to distract himself by painting pictures when Mr Negativity spoke to him, but he was not in the mood to continue painting this lonely city portrait. He opened his room door to steal some breeze for a while. Two hostelites dressed in Valentine’s color passed by with their girlfriends at their sides holding fancy packages. “Why did you pass the corridor? Now everywhere is smelling perfume, perfume. Do you people want to block my nose?” “What concerns him if we passed a general corridor?” One of the boys asked the other. “Chike doesn’t respond to him; you know how he always does.” “That’s true sef, no crazy hostelite can spoil our day,” He wrapped his hands around his girlfriend and stoned her with a kiss on her chubby cheeks. There was a wicked cackle as they walked down the corridor. Bowale was mad. He went back inside, slammed the door. He came out again, slammed the door harder. He opened it again and repeated the action only stopping when he heard his doorknob drop to the ground with a clang. He could hear the silence afterwards: the birds cooing, his heart crying aloud, the cars honking. Bowale sat on his bed gazing at the spoilt doorknob on his hand and the fresh bruises on his right foot which made him so puzzled. His pocket vibrated twice. Then he heard his ringtone. Who could it be? He stared at the screen. Deborah? Why? He touched the screen and raised the phone to his right ear. Yes. Hello. I’m fine. Okay? My email? Why? Important message. Okay… About what exactly? Speaker? Me? How? His face lit. Okay. I’d check it right now. Thank you. Well… I didn’t have any Valentine outings. I’ve been home all along. Sad, boring Valentine’s day as usual. Which girlfriend? No, I don’t have one. In fact, I had never had one since 100 level. No one has called me today up till this moment, well, except you. I’m still in my hostel by the way. What about you? This was the first time he asked about her; it felt different. Impossible! He sat upright, plucking his nose unconsciously. You, too, were home all along? I thought it was just me! Wow. I get it. Hmm… Are you for real? Okay. You know what? Can I come over to your place? Oh. You don’t stay in the hostel? I get; your parents may be thinking XYZ. Her laughter was unique; It seemed powerful yet creamy. You want to come over? Wow. I never saw that coming. I stay at Zik Hall. Block C. You can call me when you get there. Okay. Let me see what I can do; if there is no foodstuff, we’d soak garri together. Her laughter induced his blushing. He dropped on the bed, his smiling face opposing the multiple white squares on the ceiling. Yes o… Even on Valentine’s day. Okay now. I’d be expecting your call. Once again, Deborah, thank you so much for what you did; God bless you. Yeah. I’ll check my email right away. Take care, too. Bye. Bowale smiled. He never thought Deborah could be a wonderful person. He heard footsteps pass the hall and he suddenly remembered that she would be coming over soon. He tucked in the bedsheet in minutes, swept the floor, and hid the bucket and the pair of

Blog, Essays

Through The Eyes Of An ‘Other’

  Our dirty and tattered clothing; posture that clearly reflected guilt, shame and lack of a sense of entitlement; scars and bodily disease; and sheer hunger, marked us as Others among our more fortunate working-class neighbours and colleagues … Other students and even our working-class teachers read us as ‘trailer trash’, as unworthy, laughable, and dangerous … We were … shamed and humiliated in our ragged and ill-fitting hand-me-downs, our very bodies signaling our Otherness.[1]   As I read through the above quote, I remembered an experience I had as a child. I had followed my dad to the home of a Jew to do some work. It was not quite long after we arrived that I needed to relieve myself. Being in such luxurious surroundings had unsettled me. I had been perching on the edge of my chair. Afraid to move, to tip something over, or to… stain something. Finally, I had summoned the courage to express my need to relieve myself. I was not confronted with my ‘otherness’ when I gingerly turned the doorknob and saw the most sparkling toilet ever. I remember thinking how it contrasted with the black hole at home and the dark passageway that led to it. Sitting on the edge, I relieved myself and had been perplexed by the thought of not knowing how to flush. Tentatively, I had pushed a button which made a somewhat cracking sound. Petrified, I had run back to the parlour and sat down, full of trepidation and waiting to be discovered. The rush of emotions that had coursed through me; guilt, fear and shame are emotions poor people often feel. I had finally been confronted with my ‘otherness’ when I had reported myself to the housekeeper who had then checked the damage I claimed to have caused and found none. The look of relief on my face must have betrayed me because she had looked at me in pity mixed with amusement. The above quote talks about the bodies of the Poor signalling their ‘otherness’. For me, it was the emotions I felt based on her reaction that reminded me I was something different. I was poor; for that, I was dumb as well. Poverty has been defined as, ‘a state or condition in which a person or community lacks the financial resources and essentials for a minimum standard of living. Poverty means that the income level from employment is so low that basic human needs can’t be met’.[2] In Nigeria, about 90 million people – roughly half Nigeria’s population – live in extreme poverty, according to estimates from the World Data Lab’s Poverty Clock. Around June 2018, Nigeria overtook India, a country with seven times its population, at the bottom of the table. Put in another context, if poor Nigerians were a country it would be more populous than Germany.[3] As gory as the above seems, it shows how integral poverty is to our society, yet in these dire economic times, the difference between the ‘poor’ and ‘non-poor’ has never been more pronounced. Unfortunately, poverty is not just characterized by financial lack; there is also a myriad of negative emotions and reactions which impact deeply on social life. Hunger, stress and ill health are not the only companions of poor people. Their lives are often marked by a kaleidoscope of struggles; they struggle to be accepted among their peers, to hide their difference from others, and to escape the stress that comes with never having enough, to find the best choice from the dearth of options they have. Poor people suffer a lack of agency policy-wise, which denies them the right to be heard, both in terms of representation and means. At the national and institutional level, they are dissected and spoken of in a manner that suggests awareness but not necessarily empathy. The stigma associated with poverty also affects people socially. Poor people often suffer a lack of confidence that most times stems from a lack of exposure, not having opportunities others have access to and also the reactions of the ‘non-poor’ as they try to get by. The pain and shame that come from being unable to go through life without being alienated, pre-judged or guilt-tripped.  These routine experiences serve to discredit or denigrate the identities of those living on low incomes as being less valued members of society.[4] The pressure poor people face in social contexts to fit in results in a lot of poor people fighting to express their agency through illegal means. It is no puzzle a lot of young, poor Nigerians are turning to crime to come out of poverty. The rising number of cases of prostitution, cyber fraud and street crimes demonstrate this. Some time back, I stumbled on an article in which a suspect who had been apprehended by the police confessed to committing armed robbery. In his words, ‘I went into robbery because of the hardship. I am an OND 2 student, Computer Science, at the Federal Polytechnic, Nekede, in Imo State’.[5] He represents a cross section of people who have been pushed to end the pains of not just the growling in their belly but also the lack of social acceptance. Perhaps the most impactful consequence of living in poverty is the social consequence one has to live with. The feeling of being different and the subtle accusations of being responsible for it. The stigma and inherent confusion about identity; the resultant effect which in many cases lead to strained social relationships, a lifestyle of crime and a sense of alienation. As humans, we are naturally wired to crave love, encouragement and acceptance. Daily, our eyes and ears are assaulted with tales of people who have resorted to extreme acts simply because they were denied acceptance. Menaces like suicide, homicide and the rising number of cases of depression is evident of this fact. A society which is consisted of mainly poor people would not only have malnourished children with bulging eyes but would also have

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