“It hurts to have someone in your heart but can’t have them in your arms”–Curiano.com                                                                                                                                                                              Ditto 20/04/22 My sweet Vera As I write this, my heart is a broken dam, overflowing with the love I have for you. I am sorry I have not been able to write to you for a while now. In here, having as ordinary as a pen and paper is not just only a blessing but also a luxury. I bless the man who managed to lend me his for the Time being. Due to the fact, I have not written in a while, my hands are shaking like a leaf, hence making my writing sloppy. The sun has just risen and I can hear the warden open the gates. I hope you caught the beautiful sun rise this morning as you are my eyes and ears on the outside. For me, with every passing day, the dawn breaks open like a wound that bleeds afresh. I find it hard resigning to my fate, as here, as my new home, but sadly this is my fate. I would also want to know Vera, I hope you no longer drench your pillow in tears. The last time you came, the bags underneath your eyes were huge enough to pack your books. I saw how you tried to hide them by smiling often. Life has happened. All I want is for you to be happy, to smile often. Living rent free in my head in the image of your smile the first day I met you. That smile has been replicated a lot of times and I am happy I am responsible for that. You say you loved how I remembered the littlest of things about you. Up until this day, that has and will always be the most beautiful thing someone has ever told me. Meeting you in the library was not a mistake, seeing that you are a book person. I had thought that when we were communicating through notes in the library, it was because you didn’t want me to make noise. It was when we got outside and you kept writing, I knew something was wrong. Truth be told I didn’t set out to date you but I couldn’t help falling in love with you. You didn’t have everything but you gave me all you’ve got. I’ll always regret not taking those sign language courses. Because of that… because I am in the other side of the world with this barricade, all I can see are your facial features. I thought I would be able to endure, I thought I would not react but only for me to turn on myself like a tortured snake. I wonder how you are holding up. How is your publisher treating you? I hope he is not hard on you. I saw how you slave in front of the computer every night to bring that book that would get you, your dream. Your Nobel prize. You deserve it. You know, I hated the idea of reading books. It felt boring and static. Well guess who is a book worm now. I still am on the ones you brought 6 months ago. I know you would have mouthed the words, slow reader. I agree I am slow but I feel I have to be, because I am a new reader. You know, I can liken reading a book to having a wizard’s broom. While reading, I have travelled to different places and felt a rush of different emotions. Books are magical. I now see what makes you stick your nose in them all the time. I dream of the moments, when I was with you and I wake up from those dreams crying because it’s likely an impossible feat. It’s true what they say, happy memories make you sad. As you know, I didn’t set out to be a con artist. I have always been an honest man but things happen and spiral out of your control. Money has always been my problem. You know, some people were born with either silver spoons or wooden spoons but in my own case, I wasn’t born with any spoon. From a young age I learnt how hard life was. I saw how money was like a magic wand, which when waved, and all our problems would suddenly disappear. I knew that it wasn’t my fault I was born poor but it will definitely be mine if I die poor. At first, David approached me with that business plan and it was looked brilliant. We wanted to build a conglomerate, and have the people as shareholders. We will grow the business till people like Warren buffet who loves investing will, buy shares in our company. That was our dream. I was good with numbers while David was good with people. I can still remember as I wrote down the steps to follow to get there and as far as I was concerned, it was the best business plan I had ever made. In my quest for a better life and a good name, I forgot that it was easy to make money but it was hard to find good business partners and employees. I guess I trusted David too much but what was I to do, when a guy has taken a bullet for me twice. Why wouldn’t I trust him? He won my trust but he was a man of no integrity