It wasn’t Mrs. Christabel’s fault that whenever she walked pass his office her backside usually rang a bell. This has been the morning coffee for Mr. Paul, a colleague, and a strong reason for his sudden improvement in punctuality. But it wasn’t just Mrs. Christabel who stole his thoughts, many other women did – yet he was tagged by the ring on his fingers as married.
Mama Angela, a sales person of the Lick-yah-Fingers Restaurant understands the woman’s guide to catching her fish. Doctor Raymond, Bro Samson, and Mr. Tee. have all tasted her husband’s most precious property, not because they craved for it, but because she presented herself as a free gift to them. She has secretly been “test running” men who could deliver stronger sexual satiety that her husband wasn’t capable of doing.
Before you crucify Mama Angela and Mr. Paul for their trespasses, let us dive into the behind the scenes of this disturbing issue.
What would make women like mama Angela and men like Mr. Paul do what they do?
Some Reasons for These Acts of Infidelity
1.) Living apart for a long period
One of the purposes of marriage is for one to be there for their spouse and satisfy each other sexually. Living apart for a long time probably due to work-business related travels could lead to sexual starvation [1]. This is especially dangerous if one or both of the couples have a weak self control when it comes to sex. This is a temptatious time for the sexually-addicted partner. This leaves them vulnerable to the slightest opportunity to satisfy such delayed hunger.
2.) Pornography the master; the cheat the slave.
Although some claim that porn videos are meant for adults who want to learn new ways to express their sexuality to their partner, it has its downsides. A viewer of porn, upon seeing various moves, may conclude that their partner is inexperienced and ungratifying. This may be a command signal for the “porn addicts” to practice what they’ve “learned” with someone else who is more receptive to such moves [2].
According to verywellmind.com, pornography has a detrimental effect on relationships. Here’s how: porn, like movies, are actually scripted sexual acts. They set high sex expectations which seems impossible for real-life sexually intimacy. In order words, it is like watching a movie where Superman jumps from a building and starts flying like a weightless bird – unrealistic! But many fail to understand this and wrongly start making sexual demands their partner might not be able to fulfill. This makes them practice such experiment with someone else [3].
3.) A pseudo-solution to burying their problems
“Understanding” and “communication” are major ingredients that when missing in the soup of a relationship could lead to a downfall of such relationship [4]. When a partner cannot express their thoughts to a spouse, they might be forced to do so to outsiders. Sometimes, they have the feeling that a person, most likely of the opposite sex, understands them more than their spouse at home. This has its effect. Such external confidant(e) could be be erroneously seen as the perfect leaning shoulder for the spouse and you know what happens from there…
4.) Together but having less in common.
Most people jump into marriage at a single signal of intimacy. The spouse and their partner could have little or absolutely nothing unifying their diverse interests. This could be disastrous as such relationship is easily soaked in the sea of rapid dilapidation. Couples are meant to quarrel; it is perfectly fine for them to do so since every human differs from the other. But the downside in not having much in common is that they may seek another person who has a reasonable fraction of their ideology, beliefs and goals – and that is an action leading to relationship fraction.
5.) Knock, Knock. I seek Appreciation.
Many sexual partnerships have been broken by spouses who constantly make demands and sparingly appreciates their partners efforts [5]. This not only infuriates the partner but also make them less happy around their spouse [5]. Do you know what this implies? If there is any one outside who shows them this appreciation which they seek, they share their love with such person. This may make the outsider feel “loved” in turn and make more effort to express it most often than not, romantically or, on a higher scale, sexually. This is also true for respect.
The Aftermaths of Infidelity
According to an article written on familylife.com by Dave Boehi in the year 2010, the pseudo ecstasy of extramarital affairs could never surpass the ways such affairs or infidelity could destroy the life or the marriage of the adulterer. In other words, such momentary pleasure is nothing compared to the reality that the consequences could be long-lived or worse – perpetual.
I would divide the consequences of infidelity into sections:
1.) Effect on Partner
2.) Effect on the adulterer
3.) Effect on the relationship
4.) Effect on the kids
5.) Effect on their relationship with God.
6.) Effect on their relationship with others.
1.) Effect on partner:
The subtle act of cheating cause the partner to worry: to worry that they are inefficient, not capable or generally do not fulfill their spouses need. This leaves them hanging with guilt, anxiety and shame upon themselves.
2.) Effect on the adulterer
The adulterer could stand a chance to win some sexually transmitted Infections (STIs) from their foreign sexual partner. And unknowingly spread freely, the diseases to their spouse.
3.) Effect on the relationship
Infidelity leads to trust being bruised or worse – murdered. Trust is like a cup of paint. The more you use it, the less it becomes. And trust me, infidelity could spill that whole cup. A relationship devoid of trust is like a time bomb set up for a sudden explosion at any time. This lack of trust most often seeps into other areas of the couples life – a lack of trust in finances, a lack of trust in child care, and a lack of trust in work and career. Worse still, this lack of trust of a partner could be so bad that the spouse would find it hard to even believe the truth that they both know.
4.) The Effect on the Kids.
The effect of infidelity is beyond the couple. The kids are affected in many ways. The forum on childstats.gov made it clear that children who are raised by a single parent, due to divorce, are more likely to have limited resources and a slimmer chance of completing their educational level [6].
The kids might also grow up with the mindset that divorce is the only solution to infidelity or they may grow to prefer living with a partner without a full commitment such as marriages [6].
5.) The Effect on their relationship with God.
Hebrew 13:4 states that marriage beds should be kept sacred; it also states that infidelity or adultery puts the adulterer at loggerheads with God. It is biblically stated that such actions tries to disfigure the plan and design of God for such person. It distant such defaulter from God.
6.) The Effect on their relationship with others.
Stop and think about this: what do you think of a person who cheated on their spouse, your friend. You may not show it, but you’d definitely not be pleased with him or her.
Apart from that, such laundry of underwear in the public eye certainly doesn’t speak well of such family. The trust level upon the cheat would taper. And there could be a possibility of stigmatization of such person.
Infidelity is a way of painting your body with caramel because it taste sweet at the moment. But the must-surely-manifest fact is that in no time, ants would come surrounding your sugar coated body. Infidelity is not a stone you throw at a river; it is a boomerang you fling in the air – it must surely return. It is a ricochet. An action births only negative reactions. We only have to be wiser and steal into our hearts what Bishop T.D. Jakes said: never make stable choices on short-termed feelings.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
[1] Wikipedia (2020) ‘Sexless Marriage’ Wikipedia (October 15, 2020).Retrieved at: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage
(Accessed: December 8, 2020).
[2] Marni Feuerman (2020) ‘Is Pornography Destroying your marriage?’ Verywellmind (October 12, 2020).
Retrieved at: https://www.verywellmind.com/is-pornography-destroying-your-marriage-2302509
(Accessed: December 10, 2020).
[3] The Ranch TN. (2016) ‘Does porn use lead to cheating?’ Recovering Ranch (August 1, 2016)
Retrieved at: https://www.recoveryranch.com/addiction-blog/does-porn-use-lead-to-cheating/
(Accessed: December 8, 2020).
[4] Lindsay Hamilton (2020) ‘Understanding the importance of communication in relationships’ ReGain (March 25, 2020).
Retrieved at: https://www.regain.us/advice/general/understanding-the-importance-of-communication-in-relationships/
(Accessed: December 9, 2020).
[5] Malini Bhatia (2017) ‘The importance of appreciation in a relationship’ Huffpost (September 4, 2017).
Retrieved at: https://www.google.com/amp/s/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_59ad1b54e4b0d0c16bb52671/amp
(Accessed: December 9, 2020).
[6] Michelle Smith (2017) ‘What are the effect of single parents on children’ Everyday Health (November 17, 2017).
Retrieved at: https://www.everydayhealth.com/kids-health/what-are-effects-on-children-single-parents/
(Accessed: December 10, 2020).
- https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/most-common-causes-of-infidelity-in-a-marriage
Ebube Ezeadum wrote in via ezeadumebube@gmail.com
