Home Essays The Waiter’s Story by Arueze Chisom.

The Waiter’s Story by Arueze Chisom.


SMAN!!! Don’t give them Shishi!!.

Alright let’s go back to how and where it all started.

Hi! My name is Beauty Collins, I wait at tables in one of the not so expensive restaurants around the city and lest I forget I am not beautiful, please don’t tell me beauty is skin deep.

You see I didn’t need anyone to tell me that I was jinxed when I stood like a waxed statue staring  fixatedly at my name written in sloppy writing on the rooster. I was to work on Sunday, Valentine’s day. While my colleagues talked with Glee about their Valentine’s day  plans like it  was the next best thing since sliced bread, I whined like a 2 yr old about how my plans were shattered, but then my subconscious stared at me like Patience Ozorkwor in disdain saying Lori iro( based on lies). This was because the last time I was in a relationship was 2 years ago and the last time I thought I was going to be asked out  was when I was asked for a pen at the banking hall.

The week had gone all haywire for me. On Monday I redesigned the boss’s shirt or maybe ruined it forever thumbs up to the coffee. Tuesday I served a table the wrong Check. Wednesday I had my period stain by skirt. Thursday I was caught flipping a customer. By Friday I could mentally see God face palming himself for my sake when I was caught dancing during work hours, as my friend Ejiro would say your shame dey shame me. And no I am not a rookie. Am still Wondering why I was let off the hook after all that. Saturday wasn’t getting any better, cause it was the day I found out I was jinxed.

So I moved on after gathering some pity from my colleagues because as you know pity likes party. I went home to hit the sack,  not oblivious of the many red gowns the boutique shops seemed to only have now, knowing fully well I had bigger fish to fry the next day.

After 15 hours or more I am in the changing room adjusting my skirt  . The restaurant was already buzzing with customers thanks to the Valentine’s day. The speakers Burst with music like a bent up flood, filling my ears.

The first customer  I waited on was a couple. As expected our customers were coming in twos. They took a seat at the far end of the restaurant. The lady was a walking Mona Lisa, the total package,  then turning my gaze onto her plus 1, he was bald which made him look more like the yellow emoji on shades . They made their orders. When I delivered their food to them, the lady grabbed her phone and starting clicking away. Turns out they were the typical his view/ her view kinda couple but the moment the guy took off his shades I knew that instant he would either be blurred out or headless in the picture when posted  on social media.

My next customers were all females, juveniles actually. They were all dressed in red gowns, which looked obviously new . Though those clothes might have cost them an arm and a leg but they didn’t mind because they didn’t want to be left out.

I attended to other customers but quite a few  struck my attention. Like the petite chubby lady and her boyfriend. It was glaring that they were truly in love. They were so engrossed in their conversation I had to call their attention twice before I was acknowledged. They made their order without problems as they were the exemplary cliché’ two hearts that beat as one.

I didn’t fail to also notice the older couple who had been grinning at each other for the past 45 minutes. As they conversed the man would stop at intervals to whisper sweet nothings into his wife’s ears, which will get her giggling like a school girl. Deep down I envied what they had because things like this don’t come by easily.

One of the last table I waited on cracked me up so much that I almost laughed out loud. The man stumbled into the restaurant with probably his girlfriend because she had no wedding band on. When I got to their table they were both frowning. It looked like the man was threatened and dragged down to the restaurant. When I asked them what they wanted, the man hissed loudly and the lady went ahead to make her order, as she was speaking I could see the man glare at her,only if looks could kill . When it was time for him to order here is our conversation.

Me: sir what would you like to order?

Him: what is the cheapest food on this menu? He asked me, with a frown present on his face.

Me: sir that would be the jollof rice.

Him: how much?

Me: 5000 a plate

Him: eeh!! Me am not buying anything.

The lady he came with tried to placate him but he was as stubborn as a mule. Just then  two guys came in, then everyone started  snickering. I wondered what could be the source of their laughter. Just as they turned towards me to get to a chair, I saw it written boldly on their polo.. STINGY MEN ASSOCIATION TASK FORCE,motto: don’t give them shishi!!. I burst out in laughter.

As they took a seat,one of them shouted “stingy men association!!!” then there were replies of Don’t give them Shishi and let me see what I can do, but the voice of the obstinate man was the loudest.

I ran into the changing room and had a good laugh. At the end of the day as I slung my purse on my shoulder about to head home, I knew that this Valentine’s day will be one out of many I had truly enjoyed.


Arueze Chisom Precious, a passionate writer can be reached through sommytilly1402@gmail.com



Liked it? Take a second to support Cmoni on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!