lesson

Blog, Diaspora Diary., Reverie

Diaspora Diary: Prioritise A Driver’s License Over Western Union.

I haven’t jogged for some time. I‘ve just been doing short 2–3km walks on the banks the river Lee instead of the usual hour-long jogging. To get back to routine, I decided to jog for two hours this morning. The exercise took me through a route which was a favourite for driving schools and I was reminded of the frustrating days I passed through to get my driving license. It seems a long time now but the memory still lives vividly with me today. I will narrate my story and the importance of a driver’s license to inform the newbies and potential migrants to the western world. I had been driving for three decades before relocating to Ireland. I had also been driving for ages across the western world during vacations and visits. Most car rental companies will usually accept your Nigerian driving license and International driving permit so long as you have a credit card to hold down the required deposit. However, it becomes a different ball game when your status changes to “resident”. Regardless of your driving experience, you are required to go through the full driver licensing procedure if your nationality falls outside the ‘mutual recognition’ agreement category. You must first pass a driver theory test, get a learner permit, complete a course of Essential Driver Training(EDT) and pass your driving test before you can legally drive here. Notwithstanding that the EDT is 12 one-hour sessions of driving lessons you still have to drive with a fully licensed driver whenever you mount the wheels with your learner permit. Crazy right? Well, I didn’t think it was much of a problem considering my wealth of experience in driving. My missus fondly hails me “formula 1” each time I do my signature reverse parking very close to the kerb. As a matter of fact, I have never been involved in a crash while driving. The most have been a bump or a scratch on the side with danfo drivers usually the culprits. In any case, I passed the theory test without failing a question. It was easy because I had done a similar one while living in the UK some years back. The only reason I didn’t get a full UK driving license back then which would have saved me the stress here was because I moved back to Nigeria. I just keep moving! I was issued with a learner permit and I started the driving lessons thereafter. Believing it will be a formality I didn’t take it seriously. My only headache then was the bill. The €30/lesson summed up to €360. And then I had to hire a manual transmission car @€150 for the test, plus another €85 test fee. Adding all these up didn’t amuse me when I figured the naira equivalent. All the same, I finished after a boring 9-month period repeatedly interrupted by travels to Nigeria after which I often forgot where I left off. The first sign of trouble I got was when I requested to hire my driving instructor’s car for the test. His response was that I wasn’t ready yet. Goodness me! This oyibo was trying to extort me for further lessons after I had done the requisite minimum of 12. I laughed and bade him “au revoir”, after all, there are countless driving test car hire services out there. On the day of the test, I was brimming with confidence which would be deflated 10 minutes into the test proper. I had made several mistakes and by the time we returned to the test centre I knew I had failed. You are given feedback immediately on a sheet of paper to help you improve on the areas you were found wanting. My commonest mistake was ‘coasting’. It simply means driving with your clutch pedal down. Easy to shake that off one would think. But not so my dear, old habits die hard. I can bet 99% of Nigerian drivers coast and will fail their 1st driving test here. My friend in Dublin failed thrice, his wife 5x and another one I spoke to recently said he cannot count the number of times he has failed. These are all folks with decades of driving experience back home. My second test was even worse. I was so livid with myself that the car hire guy — bless him — refunded my money out of pity. I was to pass the third time but not without a stroke of good fortune. It came through an Albanian van driver whom I hired for removals. In the midst of haggling, I told him I could hire a van and do the job myself for half the cost. “So why did you call me? Do you love wasting money?” He had asked sarcastically. We both laughed heartily when I narrated about my driving test ordeal. He said, “so today, you pay me and after I give you good driving teacher, my brother has the best driving school in Cork”. He recommended his brother who owns Neptune Driving school when I revealed during our chat that I was still using a learner permit. During the pre-test rehearsal, the guy just asked me a few questions and concluded that my problem was overconfidence. He told me that besides coasting I needed to drive like a ‘confident’ rookie for the 20–30 minutes my test would last. So we spent the first half-hour dealing with coasting and the next learning how to drive like a rookie, both hands on the wheel, 10 to 2 position and all the boring details. But you must get them right for the test duration. I passed easily. The test didn’t even last 15 minutes and the tester was satisfied with my driving. It has been a huge relief ever since and besides the countless benefits of a full driving license, I believe it is advisable especially for immigrants to prioritise getting this all-important document. For instance in the US where some states issue driver’s licenses to undocumented immigrants

Blog, Creative Essays

A Lesson From An Intellectually Disabled Man by Michael Ogbonnaya.

“Oga, abeg try am again,” I said pleadingly, as I hoped that the POS machine doesn’t reject my ATM card this time. All my gaze fell on the machine as the POS operator inserted my ATM card into it again. The little optimism I had was dashed and the feeling of disappointment crept all over me when the machine declined my transaction. I glowered at the POS machine with intense anger and frustration. After a long pause, I dawdled wearily back to my lodge. It had been a long day for me. I had missed an impromptu test earlier due to my lateness. I was preparing rice for breakfast when one of my coursemates called to inform me of the unscheduled test. Hurriedly, I left the rice underdone and zoomed off to school. On reaching the lecture hall, the door had already been closed. Not only was I exasperated because I missed the test, I had also left my rice insufficiently cooked and it could spoil before I return to my lodge. Remembering that the rice was the only food I had left made my predicament even more gut-wrenching. Around 12 noon, my fluid mechanics lecturer walked into the class and that was supposed to be our last class for the day. The fluid mechanics class which was scheduled to last for two hours was taught for three hours much to everyone’s chagrin. While some constantly looked at their wristwatches, others stretched and stifled a yawn. We all heaved a euphoric sigh of relief when the lecturer said, “we’ve come to the end of our class today.” I walked home in a hurried, frenetic pace, like someone who literally wanted to walk faster than his shadow. On reaching my lodge, I immediately went to my kitchen hoping that my half-cooked rice hadn’t spoiled. Thankfully, it hadn’t. I tried to ignite my gas burner to continue cooking. Just then, I realized that my gas has finished. Immediately, I felt this itchy sensation on my head and armpit. I scratched my head and armpit as though I was scratching away my disappointment. Beads of perspiration had already begun to form on my face. “Nawao! which kind life be this?” I exclaimed angrily. Having undergone a lot of emotional stress, all I wanted to do was to sleep. But I couldn’t, especially on an empty stomach. I took a deep breath before deciding to withdraw the #1000 Naira I had remaining in my bank account to buy gas. I picked my ATM card, carried my gas cylinder, and sluggishly set off to the POS shop to withdraw the money before proceeding to buy the gas. The fact that the POS machine rejected my card severally aggravated my already disappointing day. There was only one option left; to trek from my lodge to the diamond bank situated afar off my lodge. If I got to the bank, I could use the withdrawal slip to get the money. I wore a long face as I began my journey. I decided to follow a bushy path that served as a shortcut to the bank. The chirruping sounds of birds reverberated in my ears like noise. The cool breeze from the trees felt like salt to injury. I frowned at the waving trees as though they were making fun of me. The scorching sun flexed its muscles on my puckered forehead forcing hot, salty sweat to roll down my head. Soon, my cloth was soaked in sweat. My mind wandered from one disappointment to another. I wondered if life could be crueler. Numerous questions ran through my mind. “Would I be suffering like this if my parents were rich?” “Why was I not born into a rich family?” “Would I get more disappointments today?,” I asked myself as I jealously watched other students who were on bikes heading to the bank. My mind-brain interaction was truncated when I sighted one intellectually disabled man who notoriously begs for money at different lecture halls, coming towards me. I felt the adrenaline rush in my body as I prepared for verbal fisticuffs that would ensue if he dared ask me for money. As he drew closer, I noticed the smile on his face. “Werey dey disguise,” I said, as I thought the smile was a strategy to successfully beg. “Wait oo, e be like say this mugu dey laugh me,” I mumbled again. He was speaking some words which were slurred and indistinct. I paid rapt attention seeking for the slightest of reasons to pour out my frustration on him. His words became clearer and I realized that he had been singing. He sang these words, “Jehovah Idi mma, n’ime onodu’m niile, idiri obim mma.” Translated as, “Jehovah you are good, in all my circumstances, you are good to my soul.” I was awestruck and I immediately felt this warmness in my heart. The gratitude with which he sang those words gave me goosebumps which seemed as though my disappointments and anger were leaving my body through my skin pores. His voice sounded like a pure expression of joy. Just before he walked past me, he smiled and said, “Brother, God is good. No matter wetin we dey pass through, we suppose dey praise am,” while showing me the #20 Naira note he had received from someone. I lowered my head in shame and guilt. I realized I hadn’t been thankful to God. I shook my head in remorse and wondered how thankful this man would have been if he was mentally okay. He wasn’t in school, he doesn’t have a bank account, he doesn’t talk or walk properly, yet he showed gratitude to God. I turned back and watched as he continued in his melody until I could no longer hear him. His song sank deep into my heart. I couldn’t help but start singing those words as I continued my journey. I withdrew the cash, returned back to my lodge, bought cooking gas, finished cooking my rice,

Blog, Essays, Monishots

Lessons from Ekiti state

The Nigerian government’s Economic Recovery and Growth Plan identifies ‘investing in our people’ as one of three ‘strategic objectives. But the ‘execution priorities’ don’t fully reflect people’s needs, prioritizing physical capital over human capital. To anchor the economy over the long term, investments in infrastructure and competitiveness must go hand in hand with investments in people ~ Bill Gates There is certainly no way anyone can convince me that Ekiti state governor Ayodele Fayose did not anticipate a defeat in the July 14th, 2018 election to replace him. Likewise, only a greenhorn in the arena of Nigerian political discourse would have expected a win for the PDP in that election. Despite the boldface put up by politicians during the campaigns most of them are often aware of the odds. They know when the odds are for or against them. Just like in the 2015 presidential elections the signs were boldly written in black and white, in Ekiti and a friend succinctly summarised it thus: “APC is in control of Aso Rock. APC controls the South West and Fayose is no longer on the ballot. It will be very naive for any political watcher to expect that APC will lose in Ekiti” The election has been won and lost, now let us attempt an objective interrogation of some factors that determined its outcome and perhaps draw a lesson or two therefrom. Flashback to 2014; In the run-up to the 2015 general elections former President Goodluck Jonathan was reportedly convinced by the South West PDP stakeholders that the party needed Ekiti to effectively combat the APC in a region that ultimately turned out to be the battleground for the presidential election. Jonathan was said to have dispatched a group of foot soldiers which included Senator Omisore, Chris Ubah and a certain Brigadier General Aliyu Momoh to do the rigging job. Led by the former Minister of State for Defence Senator Musiliu Obanikoro they scandalously but successfully subverted the will of Ekiti people and Fayose defeated the incumbent Fayemi to emerge as governor. Fast forward to 2018; All who were instrumental to Fayose’s emergence as governor have neither control nor influence at the centre as the baton had changed hands. Omisore who was allegedly betrayed by Fayose in the Osun gubernatorial election of 2014 recently joined the SDP to give it another shot in September. Likewise, Obanikoro has decamped to the APC while Chris Ubah’s relevance in the PDP has somewhat diminished after losing out to Peter Obi in the Anambra state party primaries. Brigadier General Aliyu Momoh was sacked by the Nigerian Army in 2016. Locally Fayose also suffered from self-inflicted injuries. He had promised to leave with his deputy after completing his tenure but later made an about turn to impose him as the party flag bearer. This did not go down well with many and triggered the exodus of high profile politicians from the PDP. Leading the way was Cyril Fasuyi, a party financier and the party leader in Ido-Osi LGA. Fasuyi’s departure was followed by that of Prince Dayo Adedeye who stepped down for the governor in the 2014 primaries. The former Minister of Works left the PDP for APC with his supporters. Then just before the elections, Senator Raji-Rasaki delivered the final blow to Fayose when she led a Member of the House of Representatives, the Chief Whip of Ekiti State House of Assembly and the Attorney General of the state alongside thousands of supporters to the APC mega rally attended by President Buhari and Asiwaju Bola Tinubu. It was obvious that Emperor Fayose will dance naked. Another significant factor that worked against Fayose was his inability to pay salary arrears owed to workers. Fayemi himself owed workers during his time at the government house but Nigerian workers live by the month and couldn’t care less who is in power anyway, most just want to get that alert at the end of the month and were willing to gamble on the ‘previous devil’. And then there was the alleged widespread vote-buying which was caught on camera. It was said that part of the reason Fayemi lost the last time was his inability to connect with the grassroot and woo them with stomach infrastructure. The man obviously learned his lesson and came back stronger to outsmart Fayose in his game. Firstly, he picked a running mate who is a veteran and in the same mold with Fayose. Then he distributed rice and food materials across the state, and finally, his party allegedly offered N5000 against N3–4000 offered by PDP. But perhaps the most calamitous determinant of Fayose’s cloudburst can be traced to his well-known history of logorrhea, disrespect, and pomposity. His predilection for insulting elders is legendary and he definitely crossed the line with his infantile ‘death wish’ advert during the 2015 campaigns which even the PDP denounced. Soldiers are used to action and not words. President Buhari is a soldier who is also a veteran in Nigerian politics, one doesn’t need to be a seer to know that all of Fayose’s tantrums will inevitably be paid back in kind. So while the Rock of Ekiti was busy making noise the path to his Waterloo was being quietly but elaborately designed. While its a shame that our politics is still being played in this manner and that an election is often determined by extraneous factors other than the masses it will be realistic to point out two major observations. For one, Nigerian workers are increasingly becoming aware of their importance. If you owe salaries then be prepared to lose their block votes for as they say “ a labourer is deserving of his wages”. I was in the field during the last governorship elections in Anambra, many of the workers and indeed other regular people I interacted with attributed their support for Governor Obiano whom they nicknamed ‘the alert governor’ to his prompt payment of salaries. Many reports on social media platforms claimed the Ekiti state workers had it

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