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TAMING tHE Thug!  by Becky Peleowo

Mama Kokwe said the blood that flowed in Agbero’s blood was a potpourri of cannabis, tramadol and tobacco and the scent that emanates from his armpits was worse than the stench of a cesspool. Agbero was not a bad guy but he was unfortunate to have met me. Perchance, Agbero would have been some “Jamal”, “Richard” or even “Bankioluwa”, if his quick-to-impress mother had not abandoned her sales of ‘Bebe-okwu’, “Skirt’’, “Opa Eyin” and the other liquor she sold, to become Beske’s fourth Baby-Mama. Beske, a notorious lout was infamous for everything thuggery until his rugged life was cut short by an Army raid at Ojuwoye market. He died by the merciless rifles of a military troop who came to calm the unrest in the area. The meagre asset he left behind would sustain his large family of 15 people, living in a single-bedroom apartment for a month or two. Hard-ass Agbero learnt to survive amidst his large family and the ghetto area of his birth. “Your mixture is ready.” Iya Dongoyaro called out to Agbero as she extended her overly bleached right hand towards the towering street urchin with a pot belly. “How many shots of Jedi dey there?” Agbero’s distorted lips were raised in doubtful interrogation. Iya Dongoyaro had the habit of selling less than she was asked to, in a bid to make more money. “I no fit lie for you. Wallahi, it’s two shots!” She placed the tip of her index finger on her tongue and raised it to the sky, an act common among the locals to show that one is not lying. “Na so you go dey call God name dey lie. I no dey pay for this one!” Agbero retorted and in a flash, he gulped the hot liquid down his throat. “Ehn, kojo!” Iya Dongoyaro grabbed Agbero’s faded T-shirt in defiance as she demanded for her pay. His belly popped up and down as she waggled him and rained abuses on his ancestors. The spirit of his ancestors must have shrieked at her high croaky voice. Agbero’s friends and a few by-standers made an attempt to loosen Iya Dongoyaro’s grip on him but she was adamant. The sun smiled wickedly at the fighters as it was past noon. Agbero’s gold-tinted hair was dripping sweat and Iya Dongoyaro cared less that the stinking drops fell on her blushed skin. “Wham!” The resounding slap that landed on her face afterwards knocked Iya Dongoyaro out. There was pandemonium! Igboro, the driver of the bus that Agbero was its conductor, rushed to a close by vulcanizer and scooped a bowl of contaminated water to sprinkle on the older woman’s face. Iya Dongoyaro spent days at the public health centre; days that preceded the news that she had breast cancer. To her well-wishers, Agbero was the cause of her ailment and Agbero has taken up her after care since then. I grew up eating from the same bowl of flies with Agbero. When our mothers dropped our enormous bowls of Garri with sugar and countable groundnuts on the burial ground of Alhaja Kubura, they never minded that we crunched a few houseflies with the local cereal. All they needed to see was our protruded belly and then comes the question, “se o ti yo?”; their own way of ascertaining if we were filled. But who will argue that we were not when our protruded belly was saying otherwise? After having our fill, Agbero and I would run to Mummy Chidera’s compound where her daughters were breaking ekuro, and we will join them in the tedious task as we throw some of the hard nuts in our mouths. I was not cut out for the ghetto life as I always ended up with a cough after chewing the nuts but Agbero never felt sick. No one ever saw him cry. Mama Kokwe had once told my mum when she came to have her nails painted that Agbero did not cry when his mother birthed him. It was said that when he refused to make a sound, his father landed a slap on his flappy buttocks and exclaimed in Yoruba to his mother, “Did you birth an Agbero?” In such a manner, his father named him even before his Sunna. The Islamic Cleric named him Suleiman but to avoid being called Sule, ( a name that had become an insult), he adopted Agbero and that was what everyone called him. The Junior Secondary Certificate Examination was a few days before we got the news that Beske had been shot to death. Agbero did not blink an eye when he heard of his father’s death and even when he was the smartest boy in class, his father’s death ended his formal education. My mother wanted me to leave ghetto life behind so, anytime she attached artificial nails for her rich customers, she would put my career forward, in a bid to find a sponsor. That way my education was secure and I even got admitted into a polytechnic to study Secretarial Studies. Luckily I was able to get a job at the State Secretariat in Alausa. Agbero on the other hand, completed his apprenticeship as a mechanic but ended up as a bus conductor. I came back to the slum as a politician and I had only one mission; to pick Agbero from the gutters and to introduce him to the elite world. “Omokomo! Ehn, is this you?” Agbero greeted me cheerfully, throwing his greased stained body over my white flowing agbada. One of my bodyguards moved to shove him aside and Agbero started displaying his punches, prancing like a gazelle and eulogizing himself. I smiled as I recalled our childhood. He was the audacious one and would take up a difficult task or face a serious punishment while we were wetting our panties in fear. I recall Mr. Keshinro, the Introductory Science teacher in JS three. He always gave challenging and demanding projects that required creativity and spending

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The Catalonia Stalemate.

On the 1st of October 2017, the Catalans voted in a controversial referendum that now has the global media focused on the wealthy North East region of Spain. Catalonia is an integral part of Spain whose quest for independence dates back centuries, with its own distinct language and culture it is also blessed with abundant resources. Its contribution to the Spanish economy doubles that of Scotland to the UK. With independence, the region would have a GDP of about €270 billion and a GDP per capita of €30,000, which would make it wealthier than Italy. The dominant feeling among Catalonia’s political elite is that a people whose taxes sustain the central government should expect more in return. It is therefore not too difficult to see that even if previous bids for self-rule were driven by a perceived difference in identity the current one has its origin in political economy and resource control. Firstly, let us not forget that the referendum of 1st October is illegal. Spain’s democratic constitution of 1978, which had overwhelming support from the Catalans back then gave the region huge autonomous powers but nevertheless affirmed the indivisibility of the Spanish nation. The constitution can only be amended by the Spanish parliament. So unlike the UK, where an autonomous Scotland was duly authorized by the central government in Westminister to hold a referendum, Mr. Puigdemont’s referendum was not only in contravention of that constitution but was also outlawed by a Spanish court. You simply cannot eat your cake and have it. The referendum went ahead all the same and despite a police clampdown people turned up on polling day to cast their votes. If the bourgeois Catalan nationalists who narrowly won the regional elections two years ago banked on the long-held sentiments against Madrid then they had another thing coming. A break down of the official figures did not show a record turnout as was touted. As a matter of fact, it was less than 50%. Could this be a reflection of an earlier poll that revealed only a similar percentage of Catalans want a referendum if the Spanish government objects? It could sound perfunctory to assert that a ‘reticent’ majority oppose the independence bid but given the aforementioned facts can one say otherwise with certainty? The following week thousands poured out into the streets of Barcelona to protest against the independence referendum. Similar pro-Spain protests erupted in Madrid and other cities across the country. While some called for dialogue others insisted that the authorities should take a tougher stance against the “golpistas” (coupists). The stage was set and we all watched mouth agape in anticipation of a major European crisis as the October 10th date approached for the Catalan leader to declare independence from Spain. Alas, it came to an anti-climax as Mr. Puigdemont only signed a document but failed to publicly announce that the region was now an independent nation. His words: “We propose the suspension of the effects of the declaration of independence for a few weeks, to open a period of dialogue, and if everyone acts responsibly, the conflict can be resolved in a calm and agreed manner.” My first reaction was to shake my head and mutter “politicians!”, when will they altruistically carry along the masses they claim to lead? There is little doubt that the turnout at the polls would have been much less if many had foreseen this. Juxtapose all these and one may begin to see why Mariano Rajoy and his cabinet emphatically insist on a unified Spain. Now the central government is set to activate Article 155 of the constitution, which enables it to revoke some of Catalonia’s autonomous powers and take over the running of the region. We are witnessing a series of events which will aggravate the already sour deadlock. The pro-independence Catalan National Assembly Assemblea Nacional called on consumers to put pressure on banks that moved their official headquarters to other locations in the wake of the political crisis. There are reports that some customers are already complying with this directive. However, there are no indications that the intended impact of such action is being realised as the affected banks claim that business has been largely normal. Moreover, whatever effect that may have was already proactively countered with a swell in deposits as the banks moved their legal domiciles last month. Let us remember that before the invocation of Article 155, Mr. Puigdemont had failed to respond unequivocally when Prime Minister Rajoy asked if he had declared the region’s independence from Spain. So what exactly does he intend to achieve? What strategy does he want to deploy going forward? It certainly does not include the “real sauce” if you know what I mean, for even in a modern and civilized Europe secession has often been characterised by armed conflict when branded illegal by the central government. And bearing in mind that the EU would naturally discourage separatists especially as it is locked in a tricky Brexit negotiation it didn’t come as a surprise when the union declined Puigdemont’s mediation appeal. So when the Catalan leader rather than declare independence said in a long speech that they “have been prepared to engage in whatever dialogue was necessary to do so in a mutually agreed way”, one begins to wonder. Did he suddenly realise that dialogue is essential after the fact? Need we remind him that all the wars in the former Yugoslavia started with a referendum? Or that Iraq is on the brink of another civil war because of the colossal miscalculation of the Kurdish independence declaration? We can only hope that these realities informed the cautious choice of words. As the push to implement the provisions of Article 155 begins in earnest, the coming days will likely be more chaotic if the bedlam witnessed before and after the independence poll is anything to go by. It will be proper for both parties to have back channels for a negotiated political solution despite the usual tough talk. Let us hope that they will settle for a financial

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