Domestic Violence (DA) is a global issue that has affected millions of people around the world with Nigerians not being excluded. The Cambridge Dictionary defines domestic violence as ‘the situation in which someone you live with attacks you and tries to hurt you’, while the Oxford Dictionary of Law (9th Edition) describes it as ‘an incident of violence, threatening behaviour, or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial, or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality. Before analyzing the general outlook of the average Nigerian to this menace, it is interesting to note that most Nigerians think of physical abuse alone as the meaning of domestic violence which leads to the surprising perception they have about domestic violence in its entirety. While most victims of domestic violence in Nigeria are women, a number of their male counterparts are victims too albeit fewer in number than the females. In this article, the analysis focuses on the average Nigerian perception of domestic violence between partners while linking it with the probable causes and then offering possible solutions to the problem. Let us consider the many forms of domestic violence being experienced in Nigeria today in line with the topic being discussed. Physical Abuse Physical abuse include hitting, slapping, biting or the use of objects to cause harm. Often, when a woman is beaten, battered and bruised by her husband, her family members (especially the ones benefitting materially from him) do encourage her to continue to endure while excusing the man’s reckless attitude by asserting that it is the nature of a man to be violent. In the Nigerian family system, a man is regarded as the unquestionable head of the family whose decisions are final. This further gives most uneducated men who misinterpet the meaning and context of the word ‘head’ the liberty to administer despicable corporal punishment on their wives. A woman who is separated from her husband is often looked down upon by the society without knowing what led to the separation. In the western part of Nigeria, it is common to hear people advice women facing extreme physical abuse to endure everything and stay put since she is suffering for the sake of her children. This subtle idea of using a woman’s natural affection for her children further empowers some men, rather dangerously, to continue with impunity the physical abuse of their wives. On the other hand, it is a thing of shame amongst Nigerian men to hear that a man was beaten by his wife, the vague perception that a man should never be dominated in any activity that requires strength by a woman further pushes such men who are victims into their shells with no one to talk to about the problem.     Verbal Abuse Verbal abuse is the use of words to hurt someone else. Research shows that women speak more words daily than men, and as the Holy Book says ‘when words are many, transgression cannot be avoided’. With that, it would be expected that men are the only victims of verbal abuse, but facts show that both genders have been victims. It is common to hear some Nigerian women while quarreling with their husbands tell them how worthless they are for failing in their roles as family heads in providing adequately for the material needs of their households. To outsiders, these words are often viewed as necessary to spark the man to life and be more active, but to the man who is trying his best, these words lead to low self-esteem, depression and sometimes suicide. Undoubtedly, infertility is the leading cause of verbal abuse among women by their husbands. Statements such as ‘You are good for nothing’, ‘I never knew I got married to a fellow man’, and ‘Maybe you have destroyed your womb with abortion before I met you’ are often heard. Relatives of the husband most times do not help matters, rather they complicate issues by levelling the same or even more ridiculous charges against her, sometimes insinuating that she might be a witch who is eating the babies she ought to conceive. Such words are like the stab of a two edged sword especially with the fact that the problem of infertility might actually have been from the man. So, the common perception is ‘a home without kids is empty, therefore, find a way to have child in order to stop the verbal abuse from your husband and relatives. Sexual Abuse Sexual abuse is probably the least talked about in Nigeria. Some women have been raped or have had to endure sordid and degrading sexual acts from their spouses. When such issues come to limelight, the popular response by many is that it is the man’s right to demand for sexual intimacy anytime, anywhere and anyhow he feels like. Consider this scenario: A man has to cough out a million naira as bride price for a lady he wants to get married to despite not being financially buoyant, he also had to purchase items for the bride’s father, mother and siblings. After spending all of this, he might feel that he has bought the woman and so she must do everything he asks for even if doesn’t please her. Sometimes, “well meaning friends” of the woman might encourage her to persistently endure such abuse else she risks making the man become promiscuous. So, in a bid to satisfy her husband and “save” her marriage, she is reduced to a sex slave and loses her dignity.   Spiritual Abuse “A woman has no religion” is an expression I often hear even among some Nigerian women. A woman is often expected to join her husband in his religion or denomination. During courtship, the man might have been lenient and even promised to allow her practicr whatever form of worship she desires. But after the wedding, the promise no longer holds water. If she can’t be coerced into changing her religious convictions to

The day I was a witness. It was my fifth time in their house. The 32 square-meter sitting room was boiling with drama, so much that I could not feel the cooling effect of the air-conditioner. The sitting room was cold, yet, my body was strangely hot. “How many times will I have to ring it into your hearing to get the food done before I get back from work?” Jude’s father shouted at his wife. “Stop shouting at me, honey. I tried all I could but ….” Mrs Olaitan responded as her voice got faded slowly into the air. Mr Olaitan who had been overwhelmed with anger looked for the remote on the table and flung it at his wife. In a flash, Jude who was standing at a distance from her mother was at the receiving end as Mrs Olaitan waved the approaching remote. Trying to understand the unusual but normal occurrence that has thrown her marriage into a boxing ring, she was about to burst into tears when her legs rapidly took a quick journey to the bedroom. While talking to me under his breath, Jude said, “Timilehin, it is unfortunate that we will all likely witness this bitter experience in life. However, some will be victims, while others will be spectators that would help to build a system to curb these unfriendly happenings. In fear, Jude made a 90 degree turn to me and said, “Give me two minutes to get the Technical Drawing textbook for you.” On his way to the room, he decided to check up on his mother. Strangely, he met his mum attempting to hang herself while she was overshadowed by a fountain of tears. No wonder, according to the National Crime and Safety survey, 31% of people being interviewed confessed that they have once tasted out of the jumble of domestic violence. I am sure the remaining 69% would have one way or the other, watched it happen. Surely, we would all likely witness it! Revealing what the bitter experience entails Domestic violence embraces behaviours that involve an individual within the perimeter of the home, use or threaten to use coercive methods on the intimate partner, and in some cases, on a child, or other family members. Domestic violence takes many forms which may include inhumane treatment of a person within and outside the context of marriage. As stated by National Domestic Violence Home Hotline Statistics, approximately, 1 in every 4 women, as well as, 1 in 7 men above the age of 18 have been kicked down by domestic violence at a point in time. What are the warning signs? When there is presence of domestic violence, the partners will be feeling ill at ease or frightened. Whether it is either physical or emotional, the repercussion is nothing light. The flashbacks, recurrent thoughts, and memories usually make a person weakened with fear. Once the abuser appears to be overly controlling or forcible, the person being abused will surely show signals of discomfort, then a passionate third party witnessing the indications of the bitter experience should be ready to extend help or proffer advice. To my greatest perplexity, about 30.5% of married women according to the 2008 Demographic and Health Survey have experienced physical, emotional, or sexual violence in their union. This is because most relationships are not seen as a divinely orchestrated coming together of people to infuse their differences into one, and show unconditional kindness, love, affection, assistance, etc.   Risk Factors Associated With Domestic Violence The prominent risk is depression and suicide attempts. When there is a communication gap between the husband and the wife or children, depression is set to abound in the heart. Depression leads to feelings of unhappiness and psychological disorder among the spouse in the family. The aftermath of what happened to Mrs Olaitan was a massive sensation of bitterness towards her husband which led to her decision to hang herself. This is the case in most homes when there is perpetual conflict in which the partner tends to show supremacy power over others. According to World Health Organisation, not less than 300 million people are suffering from depression. It is no more news that depression is one of the leading sources of suicide in the world. This implies that if domestic violence is not curtailed, invariably, we are amplifying the rate of mortality. Also, closely associated with domestic violence is the recurrent experience of emotional insecurity. After the incident at my friend’s house, I noticed that the reason Jude finds it hard to open up to anyone in school is because of the horrendous feeling of emotional trauma he passes through at home. Consistent domestic violence inevitably causes victims to develop uneasiness towards anyone that comes their way as they have been experientially brought up in that manner. Furthermore, an unhealthy family relationship tends to grow amidst frequent abuse in the home. If you are petrified by the presence of your spouse, it is a warning signal that domestic violence has set in. When partners yell at each other intermittently, how do you expect a friendly family relationship to exist in the presence of war of words? My friend, Jude could barely speak up to his parents on personal issues due to the horrific experiences endured. His dad talks to him without smiling, and also, his mother could not confide in her dear son. Toxic family relationship has taken over. So sad!   Way out Since most people have been a direct victim or most likely, a witness of domestic violence, it is imperative to give plausible solutions to ensure that the rate at which domestic violence springs up in our community dwindles drastically. In no time, I will be doing a detailed justification on the solutions in the remaining section of the essay. Correcting your partner with love always A couple must learn to see their union as the best gift God has given to them. In that regard, whatsoever that

      … “ Her Knight had become a nightmare, boxing her with no mercy to spare, a gorgeous body full of bruises and wears that would bring even a baby to tears.”… A poem written by Lanrexlan[1] point an awkward scenario of domestic violence. The World Health Organization (W. H. O) described domestic violence as ‘any act of gender used violence that results in, or likely to result in, physical, sexual physical harm or suffering to women including threat of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life. [2] But what exactly is domestic violence to the average humans?   Dr Alhie Ose N. of the college of education Ekiadolor Benin, Nigeria, in his research revealed that domestic violence is also a violation of human right which includes; battering of intimate partners and others, sexual abuse on children, young people and adults, marital rape, female genital mutilation and traditional practices that are harmful to women[3] caused by different forms and types.   The forms or types of domestic violence common we have our societies and beyond are subjected to our homes and environments. They include Physical abuses; like beating, kicking, knocking, punching, choking, confinement, female genital mutilation. Sexual abuses: such as marital rape, children prostitution and pornography. Neglects; such as denying people of basic this like food, clothing, shelter, medical care, sense of being loved, protection from harm. Economic abuses;which comprises stealing, theft, defrauding loves ones, withholding money for essential things like the food and medical treatment, exploiting family members for financial gain. Spiritual and Emotional abuses are also forms of domestic violence. [3]   However, domestic violence may be caused by different views. Women task force report 2000 recorded that inappropriate drugs, alcohol, financial instability, gambling, and access to firearms are some causes to domestic violence. Jejeebhoy, sees one of the causes as cultural norms in families and societies, and refusal to name the perpetrator assault.[4] Murthy viewed is a marriage and inappropriate husband education could be other causes for domestic violence.[5]   Domestic violence is gradually becoming rapid with no indication of decrease in Nigeria. The CLEEN Foundation reveals that 1 in every 3 respondents admitting to being a victim of domestic violence. The survey also found a nationwide increase in domestic violence in the past 3 years from 21% in 2011 to 30% in 2013.[6] A CLEEN Foundation’s 2012 National Crime and Safety Survey showed that 31% of the national sample revealed to being victims of domestic violence.[7]   The perceptions of domestic violence can be seen based on region, religion, and class. For instance, the Tiv view wife beating as a “sign of love” that should be encouraged as evidenced with the statement, “If you are not yet beaten by your husband then you do not know the joy of marriage and that means you are not yet married.”[8]   Ethnic groups in Nigeria such as the Yoruba, Igbo, and Hausa- have strong societal structures that lead to the justification of domestic violence. However, the Hausa being more supportive of domestic violence and viewing it as an inherent right of a husband.[9]   There are differences in the perceptions of domestic violence varying across reasons. There are higher numbers for instances like neglecting the children or going out without telling the husband and less for refusal of sex or a mere argument.[8] Many of the reasons that are viewed as acceptable for domestic violence are largely subjective to a husband’s interpretation. For example, common acceptable beatings among men are lack of respect for husband, stubbornness, imposition of will on husband, and failure of wifely duties.[10]   The 2008 NDHS survey showed the acceptability of wife beating in Nigeria. They put forward five scenarios and asked both men and women. With women, there were trends found in viewing wife beating as more acceptable. It was viewed as more acceptable in rural areas, among married versus unmarried women, uneducated women, and poor women. The reason most viewed as justified for beating was going out without telling the husband. The relationships were about the same for men.[11]   Women experiencing domestic violence have different responses and differences in whom they report their abuse to. In research done in Ilorin, Nigeria, a high number of women reported their abuses to family and friends while not many decided to go to the police to file a report.[12] The reason behind not going to the police is various, such as the fear of victim-blaming, acceptance of violence as proper reaction, and the lack of police action.   One major issue facing domestic violence issues in Nigeria are the tendency for low reported rates. A study looking at domestic violence in southwest Nigeria found that only 18.6% reported experienced or acted violence between themselves and their spouse.[10] However, the same study also shows that 60% of the respondents claimed to have witnessed violence between a separate couple.[10] These statistics show there may be a tendency for underreporting which can occur for various reasons.   One main reason for the high levels of under-reporting are that it is seen as taboo to involve the police in family matters.[13] They view the separation of the two as important and the police force ascribes to this notion as well. Police hesitate to intervene even with lodged complaints unless the abuse goes over the customary amount usually seen in the region.[14]   The average Nigerian is concerned with well-being of his or her firmly, he or she thinks about how to go about his or her business and put food on the tables of their families. The concern to tackle domestic violence might seems difficult because he or she is not a victim or have someone who is a victim. In other words, only victims, and their families feels the effect, and then began to find the solution. As citizen of Nigeria we ought to show concern for our fellow citizens. We ought to fight to make

Domestic violence is a problem that has been woven into the fabrics of the Nigerian society. It’s ever present shadow has engulfed the lives of families and relationships irrespective of social status , financial status, religion or tribe. Women are mostly the pry of domestic abuse in their relationships with their intimate partner as the source of the violence. Domestic violence is one of the contributing factors of the rising rate of sucides, homicides, divorces admist other consequences domestic violence in Nigeria today. With the current state of the perenial reign of domestic violence , the rising questions is: why is domestic violence gathering momentum despite the various activism towards it’s eradication ? what makes it appear as ‘normal’ to the victims?. The answer is not far fetched : the culture of the people has elements that serves as breding grounds for domestic violence , either directly or indirectly. The question that needs to be answered now before we proceed is : why is the culture an established ground for domestic violence? 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙙𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙑𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, Culture is the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behaviour that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations. With the above definition, we can understand that the culture is the frame every society leans upon. In relation to Nigeria which happens to be a country with different tribes and rich in cultures , the role of culture in the intimate relationships is very significant. The Nigerian society celebrates male dominance right from the scheme of things in our cultural society. The family setting and societal position place men as the head and controller of everything with women playing roles that is limited to ‘ salt and pepper’ , ‘ rocking of babies’. It is an established system that the man should guide and manage the various activity of his house. He is responsible for laying down of laws for everyone in the house (which no dares to challenge) and the ‘ taming’ of erring behaviour from everyone in the household which includes the wife. With this type of society that is instutionalized and modelled after this culture with men as dominators with all powers over their families , we have a class of women who have accepted male dominance and men who are with the understanding of themselves as dominators. At this stage, we would move into what i call : Homes of SweetNightmares. In this part i would be discussing the various domestic violence in Nigeria. 𝙃𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙨 𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆, 𝒊 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 , 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒆 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 — 𝑹𝒂𝒎𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝑹𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒔. The expectations of every spouse in a marrage , aside from procreation and intimate pleasures is : love, care and understanding among every member of the family. However when such expectations hits the rocks and the needed marital joy is present but held in a tightgrip by domestic violence, it is seen as a sweetnightmare. The Nigerian society is filled with women facing different ‘sweetnightmares’ which includes physical violence,sexual violence, verbal violence, ecomomic and spiritual violence. It is neccessary to note and explain each at a glance, since they can’t be explained fully. 𝘗𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 is any attacks which includes hitting, slapping , pinching, use of weapons (such as bottles, sticks ), and murder, committed against the intimate partner. Physical violence in Nigeria can be traced to the cultures with elements of male dominance and celebrated masculine viewpoint in almost all issues and positions in the society. In relation to the family which have been turned into an oppressive institution by physical violence, we we shouldn’t see physical violence as an enigma because it is very clear that it results from the man’s understanding of his ‘role as the tamer ‘ of any erring behaviour from his wife. Although physical violence inflicts physical pains on the women, it is however a thing sadness that some women accept to wear it as a crown which comes with their marrage and some women support and advise victims to ‘ submit’ to the ‘ will’ of her husband. 𝑆𝑒𝑥𝑢𝑎𝑙 𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒. Sexual violence refers to any violent sexual activity that is mearnt to control or demean the victim, like intimidating the victim into engaging in sexual activity which the partner does not want to participate Though sexual violence is one of the most occurence in the Nigerian marital setting, however such grieviances can’t be put forward by the victim( the woman) to others to delibrate on because many view that, in as much the wife is married to her husband she has given the consent to sex with her husband for life. However with the high level of intimacy that is around the sexual activity in marrage, it should be joint agreement for such activity to occur. 𝐸𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑐 𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 Violence in the economical violence refers to the threatening or otherwise limiting the victim’s financial freedom. Violence in the economical life of the violated partner occurs when the husband decides to limit the number of properties the woman tries to own. In some cases the man tries divert the woman’s fortune to financing of his own ambitions. As a result of this, the woman tries to maintain her stand and in the process the only availablw means of stopping the woman from fulfilling her pursuit financial is by disagreeing with such pursuits. Many cases have been seen where the husband burns the property or sells them without the consent of the wife. 𝑆𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙 𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 Spiritual violence occurs when the affected partner is forced to participate in religious activities which is against her will. Since the culture plays a major role in the Nigerian society, the religion of the husband is expected to be practiced by the wife. In deciding or justifing spiritual violence, it should be brought into consciousness that the marrage is a union that is based on love whicj should provide the wife with her choice of religion. A perfect example can be seen in a situation

Dear Ma, please hide my ID. I need your help. I have been married for 6 years. In these past years my husband who was once loving just turned on me. He hits me at the slightest provocation. Just yesterday, we had an argument then he flogged me with a wire. I have red marks all over my body. This time it’s so bad that I can’t even go to the work. Please what can I do? And please don’t tell me to leave my marriage. Comments: *Ehya Ma, why will you stay in such a marriage, remember you have to leave to live, being alive is Paramount.                                                                                                                                                                      * Chai Ma, go on your knees, now is your time to start your own ‘war room’.                                                         * Don’t jump into conclusions, you women like to play the victim card, madam what did you do to deserve such beating. * Leave O!, some women deserve some beating from time to time. * Madam this is a family matter, how is this our business? *We women atimes cannot keep our mouth shut. Now he has taught you a lesson, next time don’t talk anyhow. *All I know is that if my wife misbehave I will not waste a single moment to put her in her place. * Ewo madam please endure, it shall be well.   We see scenarios like this  play out more often in our country. As a matter of fact, sometime last week social media was buzzing with the news  and pictures of a  doctor in Benue state who made a social media call out on her husband, a channels tv reporter who decided to practice his newly acquired Anthony Joshua skills on her. The issue of domestic violence is as old as the union of marriage itself. It has been there and it feels like it has come to stay. The moment a couple gets married, it increases the chances of prolonged domestic violence because most women get hit many times before they jump the broom. In Africa, Nigeria to be precise there is a strong belief that women should be disciplined if they go out of line.   If you take your time to go through the comments again,  you would find out that each of them represent the mentality of the average Nigerian.   Domestic violence which is an open secret occur more often in marriages . The Bible says out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Going through the comments, you would notice striking words from some people, then you stop to wonder why such hostility. Nigeria an African country have cultures and beliefs built on a patriarchal system. To these men hitting women has been okayed  due to some sort of chauvinism they might have experienced while growing up. For a boy who witnessed his father raise his hands  on his mother, he grows up thinking that is a normalcy. This is where the comment “leave O! Women need some beating from time to time” comes in.  Let me give you a personal experience. Walking through the market, rushing home to attend to other things , a male seller grabs my hand to make me buy his wares. I make to free myself but he grips my hand tightly. Anger makes me gives him a slight shove then the next thing he said was that he would slap me. Am stunned, because he knows me from no where but already he wants to physically assault me all because am a female.   Nigeria being a country with diverse languages and tribes, all have different ways they view domestic violence. Upon research on Wikipedia I was shocked to my  bones to find out that in the tiv tribe a wife sees domestic violence as ‘a sign of love’. I began to think maybe some of these women might be sadistic in nature because no well meaning human thinks such. In this part of the world, once women get married there is belief that your husband owns everything about you and can do with you as he pleases . So with this kind of mentality, the issue of domestic violence will see thousands of reasons to prevail. The government of our country is not helping matters too as their laxity to handling domestic violence cases has made it blossom more   On the other hand there are rare cases of domestic violence on the men. The average Nigerian Know that there is a possibility of this happening but most times this topic is swept under the carpet. Due to the patriarchal society we live in, it is always assumed that no man go through domestic violence, thereby stifling the voices of these men who suffer in silence. Also the African man has an ego to protect, so rather than seek help from outside they rather die in silence. Whichever we choose to look at it, domestic violence has done more harm than good in the society. All the victims of this has is just hope. Arueze Chisom Precious, a passionate writer can be reached through sommytilly1402@gmail.com      

  Screams from nearby homes were the ingredients that made the soup of our night, before each day bade us farewell. The pristine home opposite ours that belonged to the masculine factory worker, his smallish wife and three children boasted of the loudest and most hysterical screams. Every night – just a little after the 20th hour, the high pitched screams tore roofs and bled ears. “Ikpo is battering his wife again”, mama would whisper in disgust to my sleepy eyed papa. “Ikpo’s wife is a bad woman”, papa would mutter. Mama would shake her head and snap her fingers in a fit of aversion, the way other local women did and mutter a faint curse (or whatever it was) of tufiakwa . The other house wasn’t far away too, it stood shoulder to shoulder with our own home; although demarcated by a dwarf fence that couldn’t keep a chicken away. The screams that erupted from there weren’t like the Ikpos, it rather sounded much like a brawl and a scuffle in a bar concurrently. The couple of the home bore popular street names like, Double Ninja or Power house duo. Both the Man and the woman vaunts with great agility and vigour no other couple had; but sadly, they used this as a tool against themselves. The fights weren’t always an equal match as one would reckon. At times the fluffy face and black eye of the woman greeted us in the wee hours of the morning, other times the limping figure of the man would be sighted springing about. Even though we don’t relay this to fear to another, we anticipated so badly, the day one of the Ninjas would be brought out of their house, sheeted in white while mourners grieved. This unequivocal fear evoked my interest in matters of domestic violence around me; spurring me to ask the real questions that needed the real answers.   Why were men spurred to hurt their partners and why were women always the victims? What makes society believe that the woman is always the one at fault? What are the thoughts of society when a woman batters her man? What? What? What?   I guess you would expect the answers to be much far-fetched or rather punctuated by the taciturn noise of hoity-toity words. However, the basic truth is that the Nigerian society has failed to define the peculiarities associated with both genders and blended it into the notion of marriage. So far, the idea of marriage still remains in the view of most average Nigerians, to be beneficial only to the female folk and appears more of a burden to the male. It is perceived widely, even amongst most literate persons, that since a man has gathered enough to get married then he is supposed to be appreciated for it by his partner, for so much as a lifetime. Comprehending the concept of domestic violence according to AIHIE Ose N. phD; “domestic violence is the intentional and persistent abuse of anyone in a home that causes pain, distress or injury. It refers to any abusive treatment of one family member by another, thus violating the law of the basic human rights. It includes battering of intimate partners and others, sexual abuse of children, marital rape, traditional practices, as well as other emotional or psychological deprivations.” In Nigeria, the average woman remains a first class victim of domestic violence. This is especially so when the woman seems to be economically dependent on the man. The Nigerian society is basically patriarchal and women’s place within the scheme of things is decidedly subordinate. Domestic violence therefore functions as a means of enforcing conformity with the role of women within customary society. It therefore does not matter if the woman is economically dependent or not, her position, like that of the children, is subordinate. Like the popular Pied Piper tale, when matters have risen to the extent a woman becomes an apology for making headway, she will dance like one among the many other mice heading towards the cliff. Consequentially, the woman fears to complain or speak. The unwritten dictates of society refuse to give her a chance to be heard. The average deduction would project the woman as ungrateful, lacking submissive spirit and intemperate. This of course, explains why several women remain shackled in the binds of internal violence before eventually speaking out in order not to be perceived wrongly. The most obvious examples of domestic violence are often physical; where physical force is exhibited such as beating, flogging, knocking, punching, choking or confinement. In effect, a man is often given enough room to explain the reasons for his actions, giving some reasons as feeble as inability to cook properly, noise making or nagging. Other examples abound, though not as evident as the physical assaults, it still slowly seeps out sanity from the minds of its victim. Emotional abuse and neglect is a core reason for this. Most men pride themselves in their abilities to “restrict” their partners through the application of verbal abuse. The resultant effects might appear soothing to him but will forever effect pain and regrets to the other partner. While, we as well believe women are the central victims of domestic violence, most Nigerians find it amusing when a woman is culpable of maltreating her man and see no actual problem with that. This as well also begins a new trend of domestic violence as calls are made to emancipate the average Nigerian woman from the bonds of domestic slavery. It is however, a good point to note that not all Nigerians are appreciative of domestic violence, a strong faction of society revolts against the application of violence in relationships. Either way, the heartfelt pains of the average Nigerian in any relationship should be redressed by the perspective of society towards gender and its peculiarities early enough before – the pied piper plays his tune and comes for the children (this time the men). How long

  An average Nigerian would attest to the fact that the surge in the reports of domestic violence has left many mouths open. An increase projected by Oyediran et al., in an African journal when the reports rose from 21% to 30% in 2013. While it is true that this was not the norm in times past, many would agree that domestic violence has been a ravaging demon silently hurting families from ancient times. The blame could be placed on the patriarchy system passed down generations were women were seen as properties to be acquired, sex slaves to be used, baby factories for procreation and house keepers. Men knew only one way to correct and relate to what they owned be it cattle or women which was an act of force resulting in violence. That was the beginning of the present problem. Although domestic violence occurs to both gender, in Nigeria, domestic violence happens mostly to women. Various meanings have been given to this root cause of injuries and even deaths in homes which all refers to domestic violence as the abuse of a spouse by his or her partner. This is not only the physical abuse (beating, acid baths etc) as domestic violence can also be sexual (rape), emotional or mental (verbal abusive words). Report and prosecution has not been able to curtail this surge because the factors leading to domestic violence have not been addressed. These factors include: Domestic violence as a norm A documentary taken from a part of Nigeria (Tiv) showed some home trainings given to young girls invariably result to acceptance of such cruel act. These young girls, likely forced into child marriage due to culture, were told to endure beating and hateful words from their husbands as part of the affection shown to them. Some girls became worried when their husbands did not slap them for a long time, wondering if the husbands had begun having mistresses. To not be beaten once in a while was a sign the women did not yet know the joy of marriage. Such women see nothing wrong in domestic violence, would likely teach their children also and increasing women’s acceptance of this cruel act. An average Nigerian who probably grew up in an environment where domestic violence occurred in every home and no one said anything, grows up to see domestic violence as a norm and its report, a strange act. Stigma As much as many root for justice when a report is filed for domestic violence, many Nigerians soon wag tongues at the victim for various reasons best known to them. Some would feel the victim likely pushed too hard (too stubborn) causing the predator to react in anger, others simply blame the victim for not retaliating in self defence and coming to report and yet others would simply stay clear off the victim cause loneliness. Most victims cannot stand such and would go back to their spouse after a while. In such cases, the stigma of domestic violence remains on the victim even more than the predator. Victims therefore prefer to endure rather than to be thrown at the mercy of the public. Also a filed domestic violence case taken to the law court takes a lot of time and resources before a verdict is made. Verdict may lead to divorce which is frown at in every culture in Nigeria. The public soon forgets the cause of divorce and act unjustly to the victim. Religions in Nigeria also encourage victims to work out their marriages despite all odds as divorce is also frowned at. Stigmatization makes many endure even to the point of death. Economic dependency The percentage of women working (blue or white collar) is growing steady though mainly in certain parts of the country. While the northerners do not encourage a woman to go to school or work, some other parts of the country only allow them to go to school for a while. Every girl is trained to take care of the home as their husbands provide for them. This economic dependency leaves no option to victims of domestic violence than to endure to care for themselves and the children. Leaving their abusers when there was no other source of livelihood becomes almost impossible. Gender bias While most reports of domestic violence show victims as women, some victims are the men. This is however unheard of in Nigeria culture and seen as a slap on the man and mocked as a weak spouse. Many are unaware of various types of domestic violence, acknowledging only the physical aspect. A man abused emotionally and mentally is unable to report, endures such abuse which further leads to low self-esteem, ugly habits such as alcoholism and use of drugs. Sentimental prosecution While reports on domestic violence are on the increase, corresponding prosecution of abusers are not proportional. Most cases do not make it to court as the law officers demand an evidence which may not be available if the violence is sexual, mental or emotional rather than physical. Though the Constitution of Nigeria hints the punishment for such cases, many verdicts puts in consideration the state of the children. In fact, verdicts are sometimes made according to the connections victims or perpetrators have with higher authorities. The prolonged and repeated appearances in court discourages those who have reported and those who are willing to. Soon, families settle outside the court and victim probably returns to the abuser. An adage says “to cut down a tree permanently, one must start with its roots”. To put an end to domestic violence, the roots of such act should be addressed. Various Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) have taken it upon themselves to educate young men and women against the cruel act of domestic violence. Documentaries have been made to air views of various cultures and abusers have been prosecuted. Yet this is just a scratch on the surface of a painful injury in Nigeria. While some victims have been privileged to

  Several domestic relationships have been bedevilled by legal issues in Nigeria and with many of them ending in arbitration instead of ending up with handshake as they normally started. A cross sectional analysis where conducted from 44 schools in Nigeria and South Africa respectively on domestic violence using a sample of 2,462 adolescents. The analysis shows that, adolescents from Nigeria were more likely to be exposed to Intimate partner violence(IPV) and family violence and were more likely to endorse in violence against women. Male adolescents were more likely to endorse in violence against women than female adolescents. From the analysis, it can be deduced that exposure to Intimate Partner Violence(IPV) and family violence and beliefs about violence against women differed by gender and country. The prevalence of Intimate Partner Violence(IPV) is relatively high in Nigeria with almost 1 in 4 women having experienced Intimate Partner Violence(IPV) and 1 in every 3 respondents admitting to being a victim of domestic violence. Domestic violence is a global issue and however, shows no sign of lessening in Nigeria; One reason for this, is the perception that Nigerians have over domestic violence. This theoretical complementary has an objective of showcasing the general perception that most Nigerians have over domestic violence using secondary sources of data. In the past decade, domestic violence has been recognised as a major public health problem with more than 2 million women and 800,000 men falling as victims worldwide. Misunderstanding of the basic concept of domestic violence however, has made case identification difficult. Hence, it is very vital for one to understand the key concept of domestic violence. In the studies of the Australia community, ‘domestic violence’ is usually taken to mean partner abuse, specifically physical violence between a male and female partner, most commonly perpetrated by the male partner. Such meaning that the Australia community poses over domestic violence omits the key words which include; any form of abuse be it, sexual abuse, economic abuse, psychological abuse and emotional abuse and not only physical abuse, it also omits the abuse that is done in any relationship within the households including the abuse of children, elders or siblings. A more precise definition of domestic violence can be given as “a pattern of assaultive or coercive behaviours including physical, sexual and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion that adults or adolescents use against their intimate partners”. Domestic violence is a complex issue in Nigeria and people live with it as if is a norm in the society. Despite the fact that most societies proscribe against domestic violence, but the reality is that violations against domestic violence are often sanctioned under the grab of cultural practices and norms, or through misinterpretation of religious tents. Religion and religious institutions which seem to be an important place of refuge in the lives of most Nigerians however, have contributed directly or indirectly to the beliefs about domestic violence and has given most Nigerians the perception of domestic violence as a legal act. In the midst of all these uncertainties, the objective of this theoretical complementary remains to analysis the general perception which most Nigerians display over domestic violence, ranging from Intimate partner violence(IPV) against women; the most prominent form of domestic violence, to child abuse. The cases of domestic violence in Nigeria is becoming increasingly remarkable and has increased from 21% in 2011 to 30% with Intimate partner violence against women(IPV) leading as one of the most common form of domestic violence, two in three victims of Intimate partner violence(IPV) are women. Almost 37-70 percent of the total population of women in Nigeria having experienced Intimate partner violence or 1 in every 4 women have experienced intimate partner violence. Following the data that was derived from the Nigerian Demographic and Health Survey(NDHS) in 2003 using both descriptive and analytical methods. The study demonstrates that a large percentage of Nigerian women agreed that a man is justified in beating or hitting his wife; 66.4 percent and 50.4 percent of ever married and unmarried women respectively expressed consent for wife beating. From the studies, the following was deducted about the perception which most Nigerians have on women and has furtherly navigated the prevalence of Intimate partner violence against women; There is a general conception that a woman must be subdued to her husband and that a man is justified in beating or hitting his wife. Majority belief in the inherent superiority of males and hence, there is a social inequality found between a man and a woman. In the concept of marriage, a man is legally approved to have sex with his wife and does not exclude the use of force, such concept has promoted the sexual abuse of women in marriage. Majority believes that, accepting violence is a means of resolving conflict and kick against divorce. Nationwide, women and girls suffer a life-threatening effect of such wrong perception that most Nigerians display over Intimate partner against violence against women and may require a more pragmatic solution. Child abuse is gradually becoming the most famous form of domestic violence after Intimate partner violence(IPV) against women, with Nigeria having the largest number of children abused. According to UNICEF, 6 out of every 10 children experience some form of violence – one in four girls and 10 percent of boys have been victims of sexual violence. Rapidly, Nigerian is becoming one of the country with the highest rate of violence worldwide and has the largest number of child marriage in Africa with more than 23 million girls and women who were married as children, most of them from poor and rural communities. Although the society as a whole speak against violence against children but the fact remains is that, the violence against children are rooted in social norms.  The following was deducted about the perception or mentality which most Nigerians have over a child and has promoted the prevalence of child abuse in the society; There is a general believe system by most Nigerians when it