Angel of Love by Akpos Oghenekaro
You will probably receive this with eyes filled with rage and deep sorrow
week 44
Essay Competition: Week 44 Winners
Congratulations to Esther Ojetunde, Enoch Akinlabi and Collins Undelikwo, the winners of our week 44 essay and creative writing competition.
For better for worse by Collins Chibuike
“For better for worse.” I personally never liked that phrase. I have attended a handful of weddings and whenever the couple make vows and use that phrase, I usually feel dispirited; not entirely though. I find the phrase rather awkward, not necessarily because of it’s implied meaning, but the literal interpretation the society gives it. Whenever a Christian hears ‘For better for worse’, he just casually interprets it as ‘Regardless of any situation’. It’s just a thing that have gotten into our psych and beliefs as a people. The implied meanings are clear enough, It just highlights the faithfulness and steadfastness that should exist among couples. It simply implies the virtue of being there for each other in times of joy and conversely, when sorrow knocks. Big question now should be, Is that really what practical Christianity interprets it to mean? It’s Crystal clear, NO. No, in the sense that the society are yet to decipher the disparity between “For better for worse” and “In all situations”, within the marital context. That’s basically the bedrock of all latent domestic abuses. Maybe it’s just a Christian thing? Well, No! I did my findings and the results were rather similar. The question was to describe what marriage is and entails. The traditionalist described marriage as a sacred institution; as a non refundable parcel, which when one opens, takes whatever he finds inside without questions or hesitations. A couple of researches here and there and I arrived at my conclusion. It’s a thing with Religion in general. All Faiths and religious denominations seem to have this unified point of view. Understanding marriage as a sacred union which can not be broken under any circumstance. That’s the common belief. A clergy would conventionally advise a believer who laid complaints of domestic abuses to just pray over it and keep holding on. You almost never sees or hear them endorse leaving the marriage, regardless. This ideology is shared by basically all religious communities and eventually, the society at large. So, you just sit in and endure, remember your vow says ‘For better for worse’. You just deal with the ‘Worse’. That’s how people end up in marriages where they are constantly abused either physically, psychologically, emotionally and otherwise; and all they can do is just ENDURE. The society will devour you once you nurse the slightest thought of leaving the marriage. Just like a one way thing, once In, no outs. Your odds are pretty tight. An abusive marriage or an abusive religious society? Unfortunately majority go with the former, suffer silently and die unnoticed. All because we are in an era where marriage is considered sacred and divorce a potential sin. This is the mindset religion has instilled in the society. Once you are in an abusive home, you just pray and ENDURE, maybe until it gets really detrimental to your health and you reach an abrupt end. No one will ever know what you were dealing with. For better for Worse you say? Well, when the worse is about bringing your end, pick the ‘better’ and leave. A matter that needs critical attention. Religion should never be the reason why anyone should stay in an abusive marriage.
The Birds Chirp by Ferdinand Princess Chinwendu
The birds chirped and the rays of the sun could be seen piercing into a dark room through a rectangular shaped window crossed vertically with thick bars possessing shadows which appears to be resting on John’s face. His overgrown beards really tell that he had been in this room for a long time. The dark room seem to become brighter as we see that John has two other inmates who were still enveloped in darkness at the other edge of the room. The morning bell rang signifying it’s time to wake up and continue the normal routine which involves bathing and eating, then after, manual labour. It was a Sunday a perculiar day the prisoners were given the opportunity to write letters and make calls to their loved ones after their manual labour. John could be seen in the long line waiting for his turn in his particular communication chamber. The men besides him chatted non-chalantly about women and the memories of when they last had pleasure. John seemed unperturbed by this as he was lost in deep thought about Christabel. The time ticked and two hours have past. It is now John’s turn to enter the chamber. He enters into the chamber without hesitation, greets the clerk who in turn asked him if he wanted to make a call or write to his family. John hesitated but finally chose to write. For some reason, John couldn’t write proper English as he is a school drop-out, but this didn’t give him a hinch of disturbing thought as it is not his first time writing to Christabel. He begins with the address stating. “No. 8 Chief Alum State, Enugu Prison, Independence Layout. Dear Kristabel, it’s been 10 years since I last saw you. I know it’s been difficult and uneasy ever since day one, I dey miss you so much, but the issue be say you never visit me, even to call self or even to drop letter. And the tin be say e been dey boda me too much. You know that I love you and the children. How them even be self. Hope una still dey find food chop. Are they still going to school , you know I haven’t been working. How’s the economy treating you. I’ve been suffering so much, the punishment dey too much and unbearable. Please abeg, kristimmmooooo, no leave me marry another man. I promise to find a way out of here, just give me small time. How your mum and dad, hope say them no dey force you to marry another man. No agreeoooo, my love no agree….” John stops as the pen seemed to stop working for a moment. He flinged the pen in a pendulous manner to aid flow of ink. Then again he continued ” …..you know that my friend Moses, I call am say make him give you money from my savings wey him dey in charge of, use am buy something for your self and the children…..” . As John continued to write endlessly, engulfed in so many things to share with Christabel, the clerk interrupted, reminding him about the time limit and encouraged him to write faster. John flings the pen once more and continues.” …. Pls still stay for me, no abandon me abeg and I promise to find a way out of here and finally stay with you forever. I so much Miss your touch and kisses…” “Oga your time is up” said the clerk as he collected the pen and paper forcefully from John’s grip, with a sad expression, John stood up as ordered and left the chamber.
Gender-Based Violence: Religious Beliefs As Sources by Efe-Umaigba Ofure
Religious organizations play a significant impact in molding national views and perspectives. As a result, it’s no surprise that religious institutions encourage such behavior.
Exploring The Effects Of Religious Beliefs In Abusive Marriages by Victoria Mbanasor.
INTRODUCTION Gender-based violence in the home, especially in marriages, is the most pervasive phenomenon that cuts across every stratum of society and life in general. It is Nigeria’s most prevalent type of violence against women. Often invisible, shrouded in a veil of silence and secrecy until the victim suffers permanent disability, psychological trauma or death. It is a global topic that has recently began to be viewed as a criminal and constitutional problem, despite the fact that it has become a way of life in Nigerian society and is still culturally accepted. Women are frequently in grave danger in the place where they should feel safest: their homes. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), one out of every three women has been subjected to gender-based violence at some point in their lives. Many people’s homes are where they are subjected to a regime of terror and violence perpetrated by a supposed loved one. The need to address this issue which is threatening the safety of spouses and their fundamental right to human dignity has prompted this paper. Accordingly, this paper investigates the role of religious beliefs in abusive marriages. This paper focuses on gender-based violence against women in marriages based on the understanding that although women can also be violent, but their actions account for a small percentage of gender-based violence. According to a UNICEF report, violence in the domestic sphere is usually perpetrated by males who are, or who have been in positions of trust, intimacy and power. Therefore, it would seem permissible to focus primarily on violence against women. In the final analysis, this paper shall proffer practical suggestions to this malady. EXPLORING THE EFFECTS OF RELIGIOUS BELIEFS IN ABUSIVE MARRIAGES Recently, following the death of Nigerian gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, whose death was alleged to be caused by her husband’s relentless abuse, a religious leader, the Internet went revolutionarily agog on the incredible influence that religion has on abusive marriages. To wit, arguments abound over the relationship between religion/religiosity and spousal gender-based violence leading to inconsistent and contradictory responses. While some netizens opined that religion is a protective factor in this regard and serves as the safest harbor for women as well as veritable orientation platform for men, others averred that its effect is insignificant and pointed instead to factors like economic and cultural power dynamics that gives men proprietary rights over women, cultural definitions of sex roles, customs of marriage (bride price), acceptability of violence to resolve conflict, general patriarchal stereotypes such as the belief in the inherent superiority of males and women as acquirable properties. However, while the social context of spousal violence in Nigeria is related to the traditional African patriarchal society that defines the gender power structure, religion plays a profound role in fanning its flames. This is accomplished in the following ways: Patriarchal-Induced Interpretation of Submission Religion is a reflection of the society and has inherited a society that has been wrongly taught the roles of men. Our patriarchal culture has influenced how we interpret the Bible, particularly the biblical idea of submission. The stipulation that “wives [should] submit themselves unto their husbands as unto the lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” has been chauvinistically interpreted to mean dominance or rulership. A doctrine that was biblically in place to ensure mutuality of respect in marriage and prevent leadership conflict has been erroneously construed to render women as chastise-able properties. This shows how much of bastions of chauvinism and women oppression religious houses are. They exercise enormous influence and power over not just the teeming millions of devotees, but across every sector of the society, including legal lines. For instance, section 55 of the Penal Code which operates in northern Nigeria allows men to chastise their wives by reasonably caning or beating them (a provision that is founded on Islamic religious practices). More so, rape is still committed in marriage beds due to this patriarchal import! This jeopardizes the safety of women in such marriages. Stringent Religious Preaching of Forgiveness and Hope Marriage is deemed the combination of two forgivers, but this should not apply to abusive marital settings, especially where the violence is persistent. Unfortunately, faith is anchored on fundamentals of forgiveness. The risk of violence in Nigerian marriages is normalized because rigid concepts of religious beliefs in forgiveness and perseverance become more stringent. Religious leaders are often quicker to counsel a complainant that forgiveness is an endless religious journey and remind the victim of Christ’s stipulation of forgiving ones offender “seventy times seventy times” and how “the one who endures till the end shall be saved” than they are to give recourse to the victims plight. A survey of 5,700 pastors found that 26 percent of pastors ordinarily would tell a woman being abused to continue to submit and to “trust that God would honor her action by either stopping the abuse or giving her the strength to endure it” while 71 percent of pastors would never advise a battered wife to leave her husband or seperate. Many individuals have met their waterloo in marriages as a result of this stringent belief. Formerly, it was thought that partners stayed in abusive marriages because of lack of economic power, fear of being alone, and prioritization of the welfare of their children, however, late Osinachi Nwachukwu is a furnishing instance of how damaging the tendency to stay in abusive relationships due to spiritual principles are. Fear of Religious Ostracization Closely related to this is the fear of cultural and religious ostracization. Religion as a reflection of culture condemns divorce. One of the tenets of religion is that marriage is a do or die affair-an everlasting divine conjunction that can never be put “asunder” except in the event of death. Even contemporary educated, working class women that has all it takes to beat cultural and societal norms and shades in this regard are also victims of domestic violence
For the Sake of Love by Adebayo Pelumi
Mr Dublin is a very young and handsome man in his late 40’s. He works as a secretary at Grapefruit public limited company. He married at the age of twenty six and have two children. The name of his wife is Carolina and the names of his children are Mira and Sora respectively and they were both Female. Mira is a year two student at the university of ibadan, while Sora is in college school at Mayfield international school. Mr Dublin wife works as a part time house help. Everything is going well for Mr Dublin family until the day he was arrested and sentence to life imprisonment in which you will know why he was sentences in the letter he is going to write to his family while serving his jail time. Mr Dublin is seen in the prison yard crying profusely and thinking about his life and what brought him to the prison.He seems to be so engrossed with his thinking that he didn’t notice that one of the inmate named Stephen has been standing besides him for over fifteen minutes. The following conversation happened between them. Stephen: Hey. What are you thinking that much that is making you shedding tears. Mr Dublin: Stephen; I have been thinking about a lot of things and could not help but cried my heart out. Stephen: What, can you share me Mr Dublin: Did you know my family is really angry and disappointed in me. Did you know none of my family have come to visit me, including my mother since I came to this prison. My wife and my children didn’t want to see me or talk to me either. Don’t you see I am done for. I have been sentence to life imprisonment and now I don’t have any family to look upon. And did you know that what lead me to this prison is for their own benefit. How I wish I could explain that to them maybe I will be forgiven but how can I do that now. Stephen: Mr Dublin,there is actually a way you can make your heart or thought know to your family while in prison. You can write a letter to them and write anything you want to tell them in the letter and send it to them. Mr Dublin: Really. I don’t know. I thought all communication is being cutoff while in prison except visitation. Stephen: Mr Dublin, you can still write a letter. Go ahead and make your intension know to your family through the letter. I leave you now and please stop crying because crying can’t solve this issues. Mr Dublin: Okay. Thanks. Mr Dublin is seen sitting down alone at the prison yard focusing on the letter he is writing to send to his family. The letter read: Good day my wife and family. How are my children. My wife, hope you and my children are doing fine. Mum, how are you and others doing also. I know I am not worthy to be a husband to my wife and children again and also to be part of the family. I know it will be very hard for you guys and you all including my children are facing a challenges because of the mistake you or neither the children make. You know my dear wife, I have always love you and my children always and will keep loving you guys. Even though I am serving a life sentence in prison, my heart and mind is still with you and my children. I really did what land me into life imprisonment because of the love I have for you and my children and didn’t want you all to suffer. I know you guys might still not believe I did what I was imprisoned for but I am using this medium to tell you all that I am guilty of the offence. You guys are probably getting more angry with me or maybe feeling sorry after reading this confession and want to know why I did that. As I wrote in the first paragraph, my dear wife. I love you and my children and can do anything to make you and my children happy. My dear wife did you remember how they sent our children back from school and could not do examination with their mate because we could not pay their school fees. Did you remember how embarrassed you are because you could not do things your mate are doing because you marry someone with a low pay job. I know how hurt you are while people are blasphemy you and embarrassing you because of the part time house help you are doing. Though you tried hard to hide the pain but I can possibly read you because I am your husband. Mum, did you know lack of money to buy your drugs regularly makes your illness chronic and the only solution is operation which requires thousands of naira. I could not bear you, my wife and my children suffer, so I think of another job to do but no employment opportunity. I submit my CV to different companies online but no one call me for interviews for months; then I knew there is no job opportunity outside. After two years of hunting for another job without a sucess story; I could not think of any self job that can bring money fast than robbery. I said to myself, if I can successfully rob a rich man house a night, what I will get will be enough to take care of my family pressing needs at that moment and at least give you all the kind of life you all deserve. My dear wife do you remember the night we had a fight because I came home around 2am in the midnight. That night was my first operation and the money I got in the operation is the one that we used to clear our children debts at
Love in Letters by Joel Oyeleke
I love love because of the love I have for you. You are the protagonist of the movie I am acting on earth.
The Serial Killer’s Wife by Victor Oladejo
Dear Efua, You have no idea how long I have tried to write this letter to you, but I couldn’t because shades and voices now haunt me. They are in my head now, speaking nonstop, a man is lying in the pool of his blood close by, his blood, crimson red, is soaking my blue shorts. It is not Tinnitus, they speak languages I can understand, not just sounds. I’m not hallucinating, I can touch them, I can feel them, just like this man lying on the ground. His face is pale, snow-white. His mouth is open, as though he is screaming, but he is not. He is dead. He is from my past, yes, my past but they are so many I can’t remember who he is. They ebb out of the shadows l locked them in, reaching for me, trying to suck me in. I’m trying my best not to screw this up like these papers, crumbled and lying in wait on the ground for this to join them. But I will try to hold myself till the end. I’m writing this letter to you because you are the only one I owe this story. You are the only one who will believe this tale because it’s your story, the story you share with them. This may be my last letter to you, and to me. But I beg of you, everything in this story is true. All of it. I have a horrible feeling that you might roll this letter up and throw it into the nearest trash can because the story I’m about to tell will feel so alien, so strange and dark and so different from my story, the one I shared with you for eight long years before I came here last year. Efua you have to believe my story and find another life, you’ve stayed glued to me for years, sending letters, sending love, but you know so little about me, so little, but I know a great deal about you, your secrets and the silent part of my story— our story. They haunt me now, perhaps they’ll set you free. 2. GREEN PLANET PARK SHOOTING– I believe it was an accidental discharge, wife claims. That was on the first page of the guardian yesterday, your interview on my case with Teju Greene on why my case should be reviewed and investigated again. That was when they came, the darkness. I held the newsprint in my wet palms, my eyes fixed on the front page, on your picture, on your expression, fear and pain in your eyes all frozen. Slowly the hard cement floor began to crawl with green creepers, grasses, and wildflowers. All at once, I was at the park again. You sat on the bench with Fred. The evening sun was shining, drowning both of you in its rich yellow light and the birds were tweeting away in the orange trees. I stood behind the tree, my hands on my camera, watching you both, waiting patiently to raise my camera and make a quick flash. Then seconds grew into, minutes into hours, then at last I was about to leave, I was about to believe you were innocent, then you stood and he pulled you to his body, buried you in it. Your lips locked in his. I looked away, something raised its head in me, then started to crawl to my heart and all at once began to scream: Kill him, Kill him, Kill him. So I whispered my prayers for forgiveness again for the oath of duty as a policeman, I was about to break. I waited till you left, then I walked to him. He was shocked to see me, his eyes red and feral like the eyes of a rat. There were more people in the park now, scattered under the trees. But I didn’t mind, they didn’t matter now, what mattered was the fiend staring at me, looking through me, perhaps at the serpent that was still screaming. I smiled at him, just like I did when moments like this came. Then my hand found its way to my holster, to my little darling. I raised it, he screamed, then the couples close by started to scream, the whole park now screaming, even the tweeting of the birds was drowned out. “ Please I can explain, I can explain ”, He said, his eyes swimming in tears. I squeezed the trigger. The birds took to flight in the trees. He fell on his back. Then the sirens wailing, then fellow police everywhere, so I started to run and run…slowly the green grass and flowers started to fade away for the cement floor of this kirikiri prison, my fellow inmates in blue restraining me from squeezing myself through these iron bars. “He is mad! Maaddd!” they were screaming, they can’t see what l see, they can’t hear what l hear. I died again that day in the park, but that was not the first time I died, I had been dying before Fred. And you killed me Efua. 3. Your eyes were closed on the bed, the giant machines had green zig-zag playing on their screen. They were connected to you. Something was beeping too and the doctor was holding your hand, shaking his head. Then he saw me and smiled and said: “Are you ready?” “ Yes, I said. ” Then I donated my kidney when no one could, I did it because l loved you. Because meeting you was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. You survived, we married and I thought it would be: happy ever after. I was wrong. Five years of living with you, I was normal with a kidney, then it happened on that dreadful Saturday, l was driving back to the station to deliver my firearm when spasms surged through me from under my person. Then it spread through my body. I parked and held my
Yours Deeply by Chisom Arueze
“It hurts to have someone in your heart but can’t have them in your arms”–Curiano.com Ditto 20/04/22 My sweet Vera As I write this, my heart is a broken dam, overflowing with the love I have for you. I am sorry I have not been able to write to you for a while now. In here, having as ordinary as a pen and paper is not just only a blessing but also a luxury. I bless the man who managed to lend me his for the Time being. Due to the fact, I have not written in a while, my hands are shaking like a leaf, hence making my writing sloppy. The sun has just risen and I can hear the warden open the gates. I hope you caught the beautiful sun rise this morning as you are my eyes and ears on the outside. For me, with every passing day, the dawn breaks open like a wound that bleeds afresh. I find it hard resigning to my fate, as here, as my new home, but sadly this is my fate. I would also want to know Vera, I hope you no longer drench your pillow in tears. The last time you came, the bags underneath your eyes were huge enough to pack your books. I saw how you tried to hide them by smiling often. Life has happened. All I want is for you to be happy, to smile often. Living rent free in my head in the image of your smile the first day I met you. That smile has been replicated a lot of times and I am happy I am responsible for that. You say you loved how I remembered the littlest of things about you. Up until this day, that has and will always be the most beautiful thing someone has ever told me. Meeting you in the library was not a mistake, seeing that you are a book person. I had thought that when we were communicating through notes in the library, it was because you didn’t want me to make noise. It was when we got outside and you kept writing, I knew something was wrong. Truth be told I didn’t set out to date you but I couldn’t help falling in love with you. You didn’t have everything but you gave me all you’ve got. I’ll always regret not taking those sign language courses. Because of that… because I am in the other side of the world with this barricade, all I can see are your facial features. I thought I would be able to endure, I thought I would not react but only for me to turn on myself like a tortured snake. I wonder how you are holding up. How is your publisher treating you? I hope he is not hard on you. I saw how you slave in front of the computer every night to bring that book that would get you, your dream. Your Nobel prize. You deserve it. You know, I hated the idea of reading books. It felt boring and static. Well guess who is a book worm now. I still am on the ones you brought 6 months ago. I know you would have mouthed the words, slow reader. I agree I am slow but I feel I have to be, because I am a new reader. You know, I can liken reading a book to having a wizard’s broom. While reading, I have travelled to different places and felt a rush of different emotions. Books are magical. I now see what makes you stick your nose in them all the time. I dream of the moments, when I was with you and I wake up from those dreams crying because it’s likely an impossible feat. It’s true what they say, happy memories make you sad. As you know, I didn’t set out to be a con artist. I have always been an honest man but things happen and spiral out of your control. Money has always been my problem. You know, some people were born with either silver spoons or wooden spoons but in my own case, I wasn’t born with any spoon. From a young age I learnt how hard life was. I saw how money was like a magic wand, which when waved, and all our problems would suddenly disappear. I knew that it wasn’t my fault I was born poor but it will definitely be mine if I die poor. At first, David approached me with that business plan and it was looked brilliant. We wanted to build a conglomerate, and have the people as shareholders. We will grow the business till people like Warren buffet who loves investing will, buy shares in our company. That was our dream. I was good with numbers while David was good with people. I can still remember as I wrote down the steps to follow to get there and as far as I was concerned, it was the best business plan I had ever made. In my quest for a better life and a good name, I forgot that it was easy to make money but it was hard to find good business partners and employees. I guess I trusted David too much but what was I to do, when a guy has taken a bullet for me twice. Why wouldn’t I trust him? He won my trust but he was a man of no integrity
Essay: Gender Based Violence and Religion by Esther Ojetunde.
Gender based violence is violence directed against a person because of that person’s gender, or violence that affects persons of a particular gender disproportionately.[1] Religion is the entire collection of beliefs, values, and practices that a group holds to be the true and sacred. A group’s religious beliefs explain where the people fit in relation to the universe and how they should behave while here on Earth.[2] Gender-based violence (GBV) is the most pervasive yet least visible human rights violation in the world. It includes physical, sexual, mental or economic harm inflicted on a person because of socially ascribed power imbalances between males and females. It also includes the threat of violence, coercion and deprivation of liberty, whether in public or private. In all societies, women and girls have less power than men – over their bodies, decisions and resources. Social norms that condone men’s use of violence as a form of discipline and control reinforce gender inequality and perpetuate gender-based violence. Across the globe, women and girls – especially adolescents – face the greatest risk. Gender-based violence takes numerous forms: Intimate partner violence, sexual violence, child marriage, female genital mutilation, trafficking for sexual exploitation, female infanticide, and ‘honour’ crimes are common – with intimate partner violence occurring at staggering rates in every country.[3] Groups that are particularly vulnerable include: women and girls children older people people living with disabilities lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual (LGBTQA+) people (Nkonyane, 2019) Religious houses are the bastions of chauvinism and women oppression in this country. They exercise not just influence, but also real power over the teeming millions of their devotees. The religious leaders’ word is unquestioningly taken for gospel by the believer. The worship centres commands the women folk to be “submissive” to the men folk in all circumstance, then, chastise the woman for not being submissive enough the moment the man turns nasty. There is hardly a dispute between a couple that is not traced to the woman’s conduct or misconduct in the led up to the attack on them. Both Islam and Christian doctrines reference women as chattels of their men; a nod and a wink to the misogynistic impulse in men. It creates and augments the man’s propensity to violence against women.[4] Some warning signs of abuse in the home or in a relationship include: Pushing for quick involvement: Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” Jealousy: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone.” Controlling Behavior: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to do anything. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who support you of “causing trouble.” Blaming others for problems or mistakes: It’s always someone else’s fault when anything goes wrong. Making others responsible for his or her feelings: The abuser says, “You make me angry,” instead of “I am angry,” or says, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.” Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Cruelty to animals or children: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Use of force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex. Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things, degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. Rigid roles: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes. Past battering: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person “made” him (or her) do it. Threats of violence: Says things like, “I’ll break your neck,” or “I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with, “I didn’t really mean it.” Controlling behaviors using social media or technology[5] Forms of Gender Based Violence (GBV) GBV can occur in many different forms. These are the most common forms: 1.Physical 2.Emotional 3.Sexual 4.Technological 5.Financial Physical Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking Burning Strangulation Damaging personal property Refusing medical care and/or controlling medication Coercing partner into substance abuse Use of weapons Emotional Name calling, insulting Blaming the partner for everything Extreme jealousy Intimidation Shaming, humiliating Isolation Controlling what the partner does and where the partner goes Stalking Sexual Forcing a partner to have sex with other people Pursuing sexual activity when the victim is not fully conscious or is afraid to say no Hurting partner physically during sex Coercing partner to have sex without protection / sabotaging birth control Technological Hacking into a partner’s e-mail and personal accounts Using tracking devices in a partner’s cell phone to monitor their location, phone calls and messages Monitoring interactions via social media Demanding to know partner’s passwords Financial Inflicting physical harm or injury that would prevent the person from attending work Harassing partner at their workplace Controlling financial assets and effectively putting partner on an allowance Damaging a partner’s credit score The impact of GBV The potential harmful impacts of these forms of GBV include: 1. Ill health 2. psychological, physical and emotional trauma 3. Unwanted pregnancies 4. Sexually transmitted infections, including HIV infection 5. Suicide 6. Depression 7. Low self-esteem 8. Death 9. Educational delays with your studies 10. Drop out[6] Religious teaching can be a serious hindrance to having faith communities responding actively to GBV. Teaching can support religious beliefs that contribute to creating an environment that justifies GBV and hamper survivorsfrom seeking help and leaving abusive situations. Especially messages about submissiveness have been used to justify abuse. Furthermore, the beliefs espoused by faith leaders on the issue of divorce are often detrimental to the safety of
Dear Muna by Humble Ogbonna
From My Prison Cell, Lubwa Prison. 22nd April, 2022. Dear Muna, I hope this letter meets you well. This is my very first letter to you since my incarceration almost a year ago. I am really sorry for not writing to you earlier. I couldn’t write to you because of situations beyond my control. I hope the home isn’t too lonely for you. Does Mama come to visit you often? At the time of writing this letter I am fine although there are a few bruises on my body sustained as a result of the hard labor we are being put through. The first few weeks here were scary. I was placed in solitary confinement for four days. My cell was almost totally dark with a little window many feet high that allowed some air and sunlight into the tiny cell. I could neither see nor speak to anyone and I thought I was going to lose my mind. The guard who brings food to me just pushes it in through the little opening under the cell door. The food brought is not fit to be called food as it is mostly half-done and watery, but what can I do. Even though I am serving a life sentence, at least I need to eat if I am to live. After the fourth day, I was transferred to cell F9. That cell housed the worst criminals; those on death row. I couldn’t understand why I was placed in that cell since I wasn’t on death row. There were seven inmates in the cell. All of them committed murder. The leader, Alpha Z, had been on the government’s most wanted list for the past eight years for various offences, most notably for the gruesome murder of Senator Maki’s son who was schooling in Ghana. My first day in that cell was terrible. I was stripped, beaten and bound at first. Every day I had to fan the leader and every other inmate. It was excruciating to be forced to witness their homosexual acts right there in the cell. I can only express thanks that Alpha Z specifically ordered them not to come close to me for that. Sometimes I’d have to sing for them and dance or else I’d be beaten to a pulp. The guards couldn’t do anything since they were even afraid of the inmates in that room. No one dares question their acts. After a week there I was finally transferred to the cell from which I am currently writing this letter to you. I know you long to hear my own side of the story and I am going to do just now, but first I really do hope that you are in good health. Were you able to get the treatment for the uneasiness you often felt in your throat? Are Mama and Papa doing well too? What about your parents, are they fine? I remember that Sade, your sister, was about to go for her compulsory service before I was arrested. I hope she is done with it, and I also hope she had gotten a good job afterward. Dearest Muna, I know how bad you must have been feeling this past year because I hadn’t written and because you hadn’t heard my side of the story. Once again I apologize for that. Here is what really happened: If you remember the last time we had a discussion in the sitting room, I told you that I am feeling uneasy working with Mr. Balogun and that I’d leave the company in a few days. Well, I never explained the reason for my uneasiness to you because I didn’t want you to get scared since I had the plan of leaving the firm already. Little did I know that he had other plans for me. It all started when he asked me to go on my usual bi-monthly trip to Kenya for the company before my arrest. Whenever I go for the trip, I only go with a briefcase which I hand over to the business partners over there and then sign a document stating that I had met with them and delivered the “papers” to them. I had never seen the content of the briefcase neither was I allowed to open it, so I felt it was paper documents stuffed inside for his business partners. I wondered however that documents could be sent online over the internet instead of having someone physically carry it over many miles to be delivered. Well, since that wasn’t my business as I was only asked to deliver them, I did so without questions. On that particular day, however, while trying to hand over the briefcase to me it fell from his hand, the lock got broken and the content spilled. I couldn’t believe what my eyes saw: several vital human organs spread out on the floor. I was shocked! I had been used as a trafficker of human parts without being aware. My strength immediately failed. “Well, now you’ve seen it” was what Mr. Balogun could say. I felt useless and worthless and told him that I was no longer interested in working for him. The next thing he said was “If you can’t beat them, you join them.” I replied that If I can’t beat them, I’ll leave them rather than join them. I made up my mind to leave the firm and never return again but he begged me to remain for at least two days until he could get someone to replace me. If I had known I wouldn’t have accepted. It was that day I had the discussion with you about my uneasiness working for him. I never knew that he had planned my downfall. He probably saw me as a threat since I knew his secrets. He might have been afraid that I would report to the police. If only I had known. The next day he asked that I accompany the
Essay: Gender Based Violence and Religion by Ekoja Okewu
“The only time I will be proud to be a man is when every woman is safe and comfortable around me”-DJ Kyos Introduction In recent times, each time I hear the word “Ekwueme”, the reality of the existence of gender-based violence in religious marriages jolts me. According to the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence survey, more than 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the United States have experienced abuse by an intimate partner in their lifetime4. As alarming as this statistics may be, it’s more scary when religious beliefs instead of acting as resources for help, become the obstacles that fuels abuse in marriages. This essay seeks to define some terms, list some examples of Gender Based Violence, examine case studies from Traditional religion, Islam and Christianity, explore the effects of religious belief in abusive marriages and proffer solutions to curb the menace. Definition of terms Gender Based Violence refers to harmful acts directed at an individual based on their gender, and it’s rooted in gender inequality, abuse of power and harmful norms(1). Religion is the entire collection of beliefs, values, and practices that a group holds to be true and sacred(2). Abusive marriage is one in which one partner mistreats or misuses another partner(5). Examples of Gender Based Violence: Child marriage Female Genital Mutilation Honour killing Trafficking for sex or slavery Intimate partner violence Physical punishment Sexual, emotional or psychological violence(7). Case studies Traditional religion Before the spread of Christianity and Islam to Africa, this was the religion of our ancestors. From midnight tales I heard from older members of my community, the Idoma culture for instance, honoured a deity known as “alekwu”. The fear of alekwu often made my grandparents to avoid violence’s like sexual abuse. In a situation where a wife abuses her husband through adultery, such a woman dies in no distant time, except she seeks remedy from the elders. This belief limited the occurrence of some abuses in marriage. Nevertheless, the inability for the belief to capture Female Genital Mutilation, slavery, honour killing and physical punishments led to its perpetration at will. Islamic religion For Muslims, the use of violence and coercion as a tool of control in the home is oppression and not accepted in Islam. According to M. Basheer Ahmed, “Under no circumstances is violence against women encouraged or allowed in Islam. There are many examples in the Quran and A hadith that describes the behaviour of Muslim towards husbands and wife. The relationship should be one of mutual love, respect and kindness.” “In the event of a family dispute, the Quran exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not overlook her positive aspects. If the problem relates to the wife’s behaviour, her husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem continues, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a separate bed from hers. There are cases however, in which a wife persists in deliberate mistreatment and expresses contempt to her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases” -Jamal Badawi. Christianity “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them”-Colossians: 3:19 “Likewise husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered”-1peter:3:7 “Be kind to one another, tender hearted; forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you”-Ephesians: 4:32 “And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? He answered them, what did Moses command you? They said, Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away. Because of your hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female”-Mark: 10:2-12 “For the Lord the God of Israel saith that he hateth putting away”-Malachi2:16 The Christian belief under the New Testament dispensation condemns Gender Based violence in all forms. Although the Scripture serves to provide support and assist those who have experienced some sort of violence in their marriages, many due to lack of knowledge, salvation, and disobedience to Scripture are leveraging upon the art of “twisting Scripture for self” to perpetrate such acts. The Bible enjoins all to forgive but the perpetrators of abuses hinge upon it to inflict continuous pain and harm on their victims. The example of Gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachuckwu, who died on April 8 2022 following alleged beating and molestation received from her husband8 is a testament to the effects of religious beliefs in abusive marriages. For fear of being seen as a gospel singer with a bad marriage, the singer covered up all the molestations she was going through and died in silence. She may have read about the part of Malachi that says God hates divorce, and out of fear, was afraid to do anything that will displease God. Maybe if she had good understanding of Scriptures, she would have sought for pastoral counselling and found a solution to the problem early. Exploring the effects of religious beliefs in abusive marriages with practical suggestions From the case studies examined, it is safe to say, “Religious belief plays a vital role in fuelling abuse and preventing women and men in abusive marriages from seeking help from relevant authorities”. The Bible contains many stories of violence against women in the Old Testament like Tamar (2 Samuel: 13), Dinah (Genesis: 34), Vashti (Esther: 1). As women in the New Testament dispensation come across these stories, they are often unable to explore it correctly for use. This makes them to erroneously refer to them as foundations to
